


Deeper Relations

by bubblyani



Category: The Take (TV)
Genre: Dangerous Romance, F/M, May/December Relationship, Secret Relationship, Self-Insert, forbidden desire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-02-19 05:30:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22972720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblyani/pseuds/bubblyani
Summary: Being the youngest sister of Jackie and Maggie, you were quite young when Freddie Jackson went to prison. Upon his return, you cannot help but recall your innocent love you had for him back then. And surprised by your transformation into womanhood, Freddie cannot help but form a desire towards you. Will a dangerously seductive attraction grow between the two of you? What will be the consequences?
Relationships: Freddie Jackson/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	1. The Return

Holding the old photographs, your fingers gingerly traced over the figures. It had been quite a while since you looked at those, and suddenly you wanted to. 

For it was a reminder, a reminder that time had never really passed. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**_(One day earlier)_ **

“What on earth?”You muttered under your breath. 

A crowd in front of your house never was a surprise for you. Therefore, an empty house certainly raised many questions. 

Fortunately, when you found a scribbled note by the door, you doubts vanished immediately. And you knew where to go. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The further you walked towards the flat building, the clearer it all was. The men and the few women gathered outside, they seemed to be familiar with you. Yet you didn’t know why they were there. 

“Y/N! How are ya, lass?”

“Blimey! Y/N..Long time no see!”

Smiling at them with uncertainty, you entered the building. And you could tell it was quite hectic inside. 

“Ah! There you are…” 

Lena Summers, your mother cried out upon seeing you enter through the door. Suddenly, she shoved a bowl of potato crisps into your hands, “…put this on the table will you, love”, She said, as she disappeared into the kitchen. 

“Sure…” you said confusingly, looking around the living room. Decorated elaborately, it had the atmosphere of a party about to start, “Mum…what’s going on?” You cried out. 

“He’s coming! Freddie’s out!” 

You froze.

Jackie Jackson’s excited voice emerged from her bedroom. You followed the voice, entering the room to find Jackie and Maggie, your two sisters there. With her blonde hair clipped with huge curlers, your eldest sister Jackie sat in front of her dressing table, putting on her makeup while your other sister Maggie, helped put on the last curler into the hair. 

“Really?” You asked, with genuine curiosity and a dropped jaw, “He is?”   
Jackie shot you a dirty look. “You look surprised” she said smugly, “Why? Didn’t Mum tell you?” She added while putting on lipstick. 

“I’m sure Mum had her reasons” Maggie said kindly, looking at you. 

“Yeah…forgetting more like…” you said, munching on a crisp from the bowl while you stood watching them. Your expression was nonchalant, yet you were bothered with this new, lingering feeling. 

“How was your lecture today?” Maggie asked, taking the bowl off your hands, as she accompanied you back to the living room. “Alright…” you answered coolly, casually adjusting the ribbons of Jackie’s daughters ponytails as they walked past you, “…hopefully it’ll get interesting soon” 

“Well keep at it…” your sister insisted, “…your degree…it’s going to take you places”. 

“Thanks Mags…” you looked at her affectionately. 

Catching the glimpse of Freddie’s parents entering the flat, you were finally unable to avoid that lingering feeling, “Wow…Freddie’s _really_ coming home. After a long time hmm?” You said.

Before more could be discussed, you heard Jackie’s excited squeal, signaling the return of the man of the hour. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You were a mere player in the background. You kept your cool as the whole spectacle unveiled before you downstairs. You watched from the balcony as the excited Jackie leaped in Freddie Jackson’s arms as he arrived with Jimmy, his cousin and Maggie’s boyfriend. 

Reunions were unveiled in all forms, with parents and their children, with friends and colleagues. You watched it all until it Freddie finally caught the sight of you. It took him a mere few seconds to identify you.

“Y/N??” He asked, to which you nodded excitedly, “Fuck me! You’re all grown up, innit?” He cried out as you went in for a hug. 

“Yeah…I suppose” you chuckled into his shirt as he hugged you back, only to have him swooped away by his mates. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Being the youngest Summers sister, you were always left to take care of your nieces while the others tend to their matters. It annoyed you, but because you loved your nieces so much, it was more than tolerable. 

Besides, Jackie was on cloud nine after reuniting with her husband. And you were happy to give her some personal time off. 

You watched the party escalate and improve with every minute. Everyone indulged in their dancing and alcohol. 

You however, had to keep a clear head on account of the babysitting. Therefore, cups of fruit punch resulted in you heading over to the loo in a hurry. 

But curses left your lips as you found the toilet occupied already. “Sorry dear…will be right out” 

An old voice echoed through the door. You sighed. Pressing your thighs together, you tried your best to control your bladder from bursting. 

“Oi! What you doing ‘ere?”

Thighs suddenly loosened the moment you heard Freddie’s voice from the corner. With a cigarette stuck between his fingers, the newly released man walked over to you. 

“Gotta piss…”you said coolly “but occupied” you added, pointing at the locked door. You had never spoken this way in front of him before, so your own reaction surprised you. And it seemed like he was too. 

“Bloody hell…” he laughed, “Waiting’s quite a pisser…” he said, taking a puff.

You watched him with fascination. He had barely changed since the last time you saw him. And after all these years, you still could not believe he was back. 

“Can I try?”

Taking the cigarette out of his mouth, Freddie raised his eyebrows upon hearing your request. 

“ What?” He said , “You’ve never tried it before?” He asked with disbelief. 

You shrugged off your denim jacket clad shoulders, “Never really felt like it” you said. 

“And now you suddenly want to?” He asked, looking into your eyes with seriousness. Looking back, you nodded. 

“…yeah…I do”

Within seconds, the seriousness quickly left Freddie, leading him to chuckle. 

“Alright! Go on then…” he said, extending his hand to offer you his cigarette. 

Taking it delicately from his jeweled fingers, you held it like a joint, slowly placing it between your lips slowly inhaling it. You may have looked cool, but your actions were impulsive enough you forgot the horrible result that followed right after, forcing you to cough out the horrible smoke. 

Laughing out loud, Freddie was in hysterics. 

“Sure you’re all grown up, cupcake?”

He asked, taking the cigarette from you. Cupcake, the nickname he had given you a while back. You were genuinely surprised he remembered it still. 

“Why? Don’t I look it?” Laughing back, You asked him, pointed at yourself for him to look. 

“Yeah…you do” looking up and down, Freddie agreed, his eyes darkening while his voice grew soft, “You look good, you know” he said, with a mischievous smile. A smile that you haven’t seen in ages, and what you had missed. 

“Thanks Freddie” you said, smiling back, “It’s good to have you back” 

The view looked more different now that you were taller, now that your eye-line was in level with his. And with his gaze transfixed on you, you swore the feeling you suddenly got in your stomach felt different too. 

You jumped, the moment the door of the toilet burst open, revealing one of your aunts coming out of it, finally. 

“Ah!!! Go on, Cupcake…” Freddie urged you, his tone changing into a comical one once again “Imma go take a piss somewhere” 

Nodding with a giggle, you quickly proceeded to relieve yourself of the bladder needs that suddenly reappeared the moment he left. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

( _ **Present)**_

“Y/N! Where are you?”

“IN MY ROOM, MUM!” 

You annoyingly yelled out loud enough for your mother to hear through the door. 

Pulling out the old hat box from your cupboard, you flopped on the floor to sit with your legs crossed. 

Yesterday was quite eventful. Though you were barely involved, with Freddie’s return, you could not help but make some rediscoveries of your very own. Rediscoveries that came in the form of old photographs that resided in that old hat box. 

Holding the old photographs, your fingers gingerly traced over the figures. It had been quite a while since you looked at those, and suddenly you wanted to. For he made you do so. 

You were simply a child when Freddie Jackson came into your life. He was Jackie’s boyfriend. But being the naive child you were, you went ahead, permitting yourself to fall for him in your innocent childish ways. 

He was funny, he was entertaining, he was protective of his girlfriend’s little sister. The little girl who gobbled enough cupcakes one night, it became her nickname. 

And thus, your pure heart loved and adored him. But that heart was torn into shreds the moment your young ears heard were married, forcing you to cry your eyes out for days in secret. 

Chuckling softly, you covered your mouth with embarrassment by the mere recollection of it. Oh! How truly naive you were back then? How blind can the innocent heart be? 

Of course he wouldn’t have considered you back then anyways. Age-wise, you were a mere child. And with someone as beautiful as Jackie to be compared with, you’d be a sore loser with your appearance. Your immaturity would have thrown you under the bus in an instant and you had nothing close enough to call curves. 

_Until now,_ you thought. 

Locking the door, impulsive became you as you began to unbutton, unzip and unhook all forms of clothing off you, until you stood in front of the mirror, completely naked. 

Running your fingers over the supple form that was your body, it was clear you were not a child anymore. A woman you were already, eighteen, feminine and matured, with curves blessed at the right places. 

He would have changed his mind if it were now, you suddenly thought with vanity. Though you felt a sense of personal victory over it, you were also reminded of the pain longing for him had brought you. Yes, it was petty. Yet the heartbreak was still real. An unrequited love that made you cry. 

You did not want that again. You had made sure of that all these years afterwards, to never feel the way losing Freddie made you feel. 

But then again, after all this time, why did the thought of Freddie give you goosebumps? Why did the image of him make your body tingle further down? 

_“You look good, you know”_

Why did his compliment give you a feeling of validation you had never felt before in your life, ever? 


	2. The Confusion

“Oh hoho! Did she now? Hehehe…She sounds quite feisty”  
“She is…but…”  
“But what?”  
“Eh…I don’t know if I’m feeling it”

Your eyes may have been on your Professor, enthusiastically sharing his knowledge with his students. But your eyes, they could not help but roll upon hearing the conversation that took place right beside you. French History apparently seemed moot to the two young men sitting next to you. Shaking your head gently, you simply could not believe they were actually who you called friends. 

“But I don’t understand…” Marcus began, “The first few days you were mad about the woman, and now this? What’s wrong with you, mate?” He asked Heath.

“Yeah…what is wrong with you?” You hissed, agreeing with him as you and Marcus both looked at him with judgmental eyes. Heath, the blonde merely shrugged his broad shoulders. Chuckling, Marcus nudged him in the shoulder.

“Really can’t make up ya mind, can ya?” He teased.   
“Piss Off!”

Smiling, you focused on your notes once again, scribbling away any important notes your ears could grasp on.

Guess it was certainly true: Young men really do have a hard time deciding when it came to relationships. No wonder it annoyed you.

_Why must they abide with this general law? Why can’t they all take a stand and make a change? Why can’t they be like their older counterparts? Like Freddie for exam-_

Your scribbling suddenly halted, making your eyebrows furrow with confusion. Why all the sudden would your thoughts steer towards Freddie? Out of all people in the world, why take him as an example? Rubbing your temples, you forced yourself out of the confusion, by diving into the professor’s enthusiastic voice once again. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Family dinner was always a joyous occasion, and seeing the family being completed brought warmth to your heart.The atmosphere at home seemed livelier with Freddie around again. Being back in his usual business, he remained as you remembered him to be. His jokes made all of you smile whilst the meals were prepared and the table was set. After years of prison, You wondered it had changed Freddie for better. Given how you much you knew him, you figured it was not that much.

Lena, your mother, Maggie and Jimmy, Jackie and Freddie with the children; you watched all of them with an affectionate feeling. You certainly adored their company, but in large group settings like these, you truthfully preferred to be one of the silent observers with very little engaging. Though you were the youngest amongst the sisters, you felt like the middle child on most occasions. And you did not mind.   
You indulged in the invisibility, listening to the stories of others, laughing alongside them.   
But as soon as Lena Summers raised her fork up, pointing it towards your direction, you knew you were being steered into the dreaded conversation.

“So, Y/N…How’s your friend?”

As you swallowed the roasted potatoes, you felt all eyes on you.

“Friend?” You asked, with a chuckle, “You have to be more specific, Mum”

“You know…your friend…” Lena flashed a knowing smile, “…from university”

Completely clueless, you detested the silence that had overcome the atmosphere. As if he read your thoughts, Freddie suddenly cleared his throat, signaling the others to resume eating. Only by hearing the sound of cutlery did you feel calm.

“You mean Molly?” You asked, proceeding to eat, “She’s doing alright-”

“No No No…” your mother interrupted, “ I mean…that nice boy…which one was it? Ah yes Marcus. How is he?”

Still quite clueless, you kept looking at the food on your plate. 

“He’s quite alright” you replied, looking up “Mum, why are you so curious about him?”   
“Nothing…he seems like a nice boy”   
“Yes, I suppose he is” You said, nodding as she was right about him. You would have never befriended him if he were a bad egg.   
“Why don’t you consider him then?”  
Eyes widened, you stared at your mother with shock upon hearing her inquiry. Being the youngest, you were always teased about not having a steady boyfriend yet. Little did you know this would come up so soon at dinner.   
“Mum…WHAT?” You yelled.  
“Why not? You’re old enough”   
Jackie casually joining in the conversation made you even more uncomfortable.   
“You too, Jackie?” Turning to her, you exclaimed, “Wha-firstly how do you all even know so much-” pausing, you looked over to the other sister, “Maggie! Did you tell them?”

With Jimmy’s arm over her shoulder, Maggie Summers sat there, guilt evident in her eyes. Being the only family member you trusted enough to vent, you didn’t expect her to do this.

“There’s no need for you to get so worked up, Y/N” she said kindly.   
“Yeah! there’s nothing wrong” Jimmy quickly chimed in with support, as he should. However, you were not pleased.   
“Yes, THERE IS…” you snapped, “It’s my business and Marcus is just a friend. Why even bring him up? He just dropped me off home once…So?”   
“He just seems quite nice-”  
“Aww come on…” Freddie began, “…leave Y/N alone now will ya?” He said, looking at everyone at the table, “She’s an adult…and she can make her own bloody decisions just like the rest of us”  
“Exactly!” You said in an instant, “Thank you, Freddie”   
You added, glad to have Freddie in your corner. Lena was highly offended.

“Y/N…” she began , “…as your mother, don’t I get a say in this?”

“NO YOU DON’T…”   
You yelled, standing up, “GOD!!”   
Groaning in frustration, you really had enough of it. Years of tormenting had set you off, and today you took your stand, by storming out of the dining room to everyone’s surprise.   
“Y/N, Wait!” 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Taking deep breaths and long strides across the garden, you tried to calm yourself down. You loved your family, you really did. But Family had failed to love you the way you expected it to. Finding romance was never easy for you. The struggle you face internally, it could never be compared to your sisters luck. So, a constant reminder of that struggle was not what you needed.

“Boo!”  
Freddie’s sudden voice made you turn to him with a jump.   
“Christ! Freddie”   
You breathed, clutching your chest as he looked amused.  
“Sorry, cupcake…” he said, “…you alright?” He asked with a softer tone.   
No matter how much he teased, he was your source of comfort. You sighed.  
“Not really…” you answered him in all honesty. Lighting a cigarette, Freddie looked in to the distance while you both observed the garden.   
“Parents…” He began, “They try so hard, yeah? But don’t know when to fucking shut up”

Chuckling, you nodded, “I suppose….Hehe thanks” you said shyly, when he offered you a smoke.   
His eyes never left you as you took a puff. The nicotine entered your system, calming you in the process, which surprised you. In your opinion, this time you felt like a professional compared to the previous attempt at the party.

“Hah!” Freddie sounded gleeful as you blew out the smoke “You’re getting used to it, cupcake”

Wearing a proud smile, you took a bow as he clapped. Warmth came over you once again, and suddenly all that humiliation and suffering from earlier felt non-existent.

“Oh! Shit!”   
You blurted, “…sorry” you added, pointing at the red lipstick mark that stained around his cigarette, as you gave it to him, which he barely even cared for.

“Ah! that’s alright” he said, casually taking it in his lips.   
Those lips, they were just as you remembered back them. You envied each cigarette that succeeded to kiss those lips daily. Come to think of it, with your lipstick stains marked on this one, your mind could not help but wonder if that was an indirect kiss shared between the two of you. Wait! Why would you even think that?

“Freddie?”

“Hmm?”

“You’ve ever done shotgun kisses?

Your morality raised it’s eyebrows with concern. What the bloody hell are you on about?  
Smiling mischievously, Freddie nodded, “Ohhh yeah”   
“How was it?” You asked, folding your arms.   
“The best…” he winked, whilst taking another puff.

Smiling to yourself, you looked over to the garden once again. The sheer thought of blowing smoke into another’s lips in the form of a kiss, it fascinated you. Excitement rushed in alongside it.

“Guess I should try it out myself sometime…” you said, with a chuckle “…maybe with a friend. Hah! Maybe even with _Marcus_ -”  
“Why don’t we try it?”   
You froze.  
“What?” You inquired, slowly turning to face him, for you could not believe what you just heard.   
Looking back at you, Freddie appeared nonchalant, yet his eyes were dead serious. As if he was not joking around. Not about this.

And you swore, you felt your heart suddenly beat fast. _Why the fuck would he say that?_

“Ah! you two!!”

Both of you jumped the moment Jimmy’s voice appeared from nowhere. Standing by the door with his hands on his waist, Freddie’s cousin gave a warm smile, “ Come on now Y/N…everyone’s worried. Let’s go” he said gently, urging you with a tilted head.

You may have walked inside along with them in compliance. Silence may have been gifted to you in the dinning table as a peace offering. Yet, you were left feeling even more confused than ever before. All because of Freddie Jackson.

What was he doing to you?


	3. The Confession

“Alright, girls! Lights off!…Goodnight!”  
“Goodnight Aunt Y/N!” 

Scrunching your nose playfully, you smiled at your beautiful nieces before turning off the lights. As you closed the door, you hoped they would drift off to dreamland with much haste.

Making your way to the living room, you sensed the emptiness. Upon realization, you hurriedly rushed to Jackie’s room. You sighed. Not the fact that she was curled up in bed, but the fact you could spot the bottle of pills sitting comfortable on her bedside cupboard. Clicking your tongue, you felt guilt.

Guess Maggie was right about this. 

_\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
_

**_(A few days ago)_ **

_“You’ve ever done shotgun kisses?  
“Ohhh yeah”   
“Guess I should try it out myself sometime……maybe with a friend. Hah! Maybe even with Marcus-”  
“Why don’t we try it?” _

“Why don’t we try it?”

Those words, Freddie’s words, they succeeded in leaving you questioning even a week later. If the one had laughed right after a line like that, the humor would have shown. But the way his eyes glinted with seriousness, it frightened you. What did he mean by that exactly?

That was not the only surprise you came across, for surprises came in the form of three.

Surprise number two: Freddie’s string of dalliances with other women.

You never mean to eavesdrop, but when you accidentally found yourself do so during Jimmy and Maggie’s conversation, you couldn’t walk away from it. As much as you expected this from a gangster, the thought of Freddie actually doing so made your heart shatter a little. Regardless, he was someone you admired apart from romanticizing in your young age. And what he and Jackie had back then, it was something you longed for.

If the dalliances were true, perhaps he was actually pulling your leg that day. Just messing with you. Perhaps none of what he said was to be taken so seriously.

To your relief, Maggie confided it all in you soon after, leaving you less guilty about eavesdropping. And as you were told, what made it sadder was that Jackie knew of them. She knew of his ways, she knew of the women, which enraged you. Unfair it was clearly. Why couldn’t anything be done about it? You wondered.   
Which led to the third surprise: Jackie’s Addiction.

As much as she was skilled in putting on a good face to all, Jackie struggled with all the challenges her family had to go through. Having someone like Freddie as her husband definitely had not been easy. Which easily drove her into the arms and comfort of non prescribed medication.

“We have to keep an eye out for her, Y/N….” Maggie said, as you both sat in her room “She is our sister”   
“Yeah, of course” you nodded frantically, “Anything really…” 

_\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

**_(Present)_ **

When you heard your sister Jackie had suddenly come down with a bad stomach, you were more than willing to step up and do your part.

And there you were, proactive, helping out with the cleaning and cooking. Though your sister grew with it, you did not complain. Instead you wore a smile always. You even tended to your adoring nieces, making sure they were well-fed and went to bed on time. You did it all.

Running your fingers through Jackie’s soft blonde hair, you sat on the bed while she slept soundly.   
“You have to be strong, sis…” you whispered, “For the girls…for Freddie”

With drowsiness finally catching up, you decided to get some shut-eye. 

_\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
_

**_(Few hours later)_ **

Nightmares, only they would usually wake you up in the middle of the night. But tonight, reason for your abrupt awareness, the profuse sweating in many a region was definitely not because of one.  
In fact, it was far from it.

Hopping into the shower, you closed the door but left it unlocked, considerate for the welfare of your sister, who developed the habit to run in to either relieve herself from whichever end of her body allowed. With the shower curtain closed, you let the pressurized cold water from the shower head cleanse you, while you hoped to cleanse the thoughts that lingered.

An intimate dream was always welcomed by you. But one with Freddie Jackson? Why now? In fact, Why ever?

Your mind soiled with guilt, you remembered it all with detail. The way his beautiful eyes undressed you. The way his wonderful hands roamed over you. The way his luscious lips tasted yours and much else.You tightened your temples, hoping to erase them away.   
This was all just too disturbing. It was wrong, you thought. Yet, the feeling you felt during was simply-No! You shook your head. It was wrong to even reconsider. It was simply wrong.

With your body and mind cleaned and cooled down, you mindlessly reached out to grab the towel.   
“Fuck!” You muttered.   
As distracted as you were, you forgot how the large towel was already used. And the only towel left in the shower was rather a small one. So small, it could barely cover your entire body. Cursing under your breath even further, you wrapped it around your frame so that you could at least hide your shame by concealing your nipples and the nether region while the mass of your cleavage and rounded curves of your buttocks had its time under the florescent light. Sighing, you were at least relieved it was late, and that no one would witness your shame. 

The door burst open wide, leaving you gasping as the person you least expected entered.

Noticeably drunk, Freddie Jackson stumbled into the bathroom whilst halfway unbuckling his pants, suddenly stopping in alarm upon seeing you.

“Shit! Cupcake…”   
He chuckled with amusement. Although, his smile slowly faded the moment his eyes properly encountered your half naked figure standing in the bathtub, “Oh…” he exclaimed softly, with a voice low and animalistic. You felt yourself blush.   
“The fuck Freddie!….”   
You hissed, squinting instantly the moment you caught a glimpse of his exposed manhood.  
“Freddie!”   
Jackie’s sleepy voice echoed from the bedroom, surprising both of you.   
“Babe! You back?”Her voice inquired further. Closing the shower curtain behind you, you stood still. Freddie, standing in front of the commode, cleared his throat.   
“Yeah! Yeah babe…just in the loo”   
Freddie responded, quickly locking the door behind him to your frustration. Uncomfortable, you held your breath as you were forced to listen to him piss.

If this had happened to you years ago, it would’ve gone down a quite differently. It would have been humorous and embarrassing, which would have ended with you storming off the loo before he even considered pissing. It would have turned in to an interesting anecdote, which would have been shared with the entire family.   
But tonight you were speechless. Tonight, it seemed wrong. And tonight, he didn’t let you off.

The pissing did not stop to your surprise. A long night of drinking, maybe?

As you waited behind the curtain, a curious part of you urged to do the unthinkable. Holding your breath, you maintained absolute silence, drawing the curtain slightly open to asses the situation. He was not, and his visible manhood was clear proof, causing you to close the curtain in an instant.

Yet the image of his exposed genital was imprinted in your brain clear enough, it would probably last your whole life. You tried so hard not to let your thoughts dwell on it’s shape, it’’s color, its length. For it was wrong to merely do so.

More gasps left your lips, the moment the curtain was drawn wide open. Holding on to the towel that could almost fall off you any moment, you breathed deeply as Freddie stared at you.  
“Liked what you saw, cupcake?” He asked, buckling up his pants during. Embarrassed, you averted your eyes from it.   
“No… cause there was nothing to see…”  
“Not for me…” he said, licking his lips, “I’m really liking the view from here…”   
His gaze was something you had never seen. It was predatory, it was lustful. It was new.   
Trying not to react to any of that, you exhaled deeply.  
“Where were you, Freddie?” You were stern with your question.   
“Ozzy….” He sniffed, wiping his nose with his index finger, “He had a job for me…”   
“Was it just Ozzy?”   
“Meh…hehehe”   
With a shrug, Freddie chuckled, for he could not lie. As long as you’ve known him, he had never lied to you, you realized. With your sister in mind, you have gathered enough courage for it was now or never.   
“Look…” you began, “We’re all so glad that you’re back. But you should know, your family needs you, Freddie…” you said. He stopped smiling. Yet you continued, “It must seem really easy to …” taking a deep breath, you continued, “…shag around…It’s fun I bet…it’s exciting. It’s tempting…” you said, mentally pushing away the image of intimacy with him, “I’m not gonna act like I am a fucking saint cause I’m not but…” readjusting your towel, you continued, “I care about my family. And I care about you too, Freddie” you said, “So get a grip, alright? I know you can do better than this”   
As stern as you were, you managed to maintain as sense of calmness with your entire delivery. It possibly could have been the most adult statement you have ever made. And to your surprise, he listened to you.

Nodding, Freddie remained speechless for a few seconds. Looking down, he merely scratched his head.  
“Right…” he began softly, “…Goodnight”

No name. No nickname. Just ‘Goodnight’. Turning around, he left the bathroom, leaving you alone once again.

Slowly stepping out of the bathtub, you sat on the edge. You wondered whether you have destroyed the good relationship you had with this man within a span of few minutes. Yet, in your gut you knew, you did the right thing. 

_\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
_

You left the next morning, and you left without a trace of guilt. Jackie had gotten better, and Freddie was home once again. And the fact he was there was enough of a reason for you to avoid any awkward encounter anyways.

A few days later, on a fine morning, you were getting ready to head out for lectures. With a piece of toast on your mouth, you walked past Maggie, only to pause on your tracks. You watched her talk on the phone with a huge smile on her face. And from the way she addressed, you could easily guess who it was.

“Was that Jackie?”   
You asked the moment she hung up. Maggie nodded.   
“Yeah…And Y/N…” she said, looking at you with the same smile, “She sounds great”   
“Yeah?” Smiling back, you were genuinely surprised.   
“I don’t know whats going on but…” Maggie began, “…apparently Freddie hasn’t been fooling around anymore. Even Jimmy was surprised. Looks like he’s been at home with the girls. This…this is a miracle, Y/N!” Maggie said, as her eyes shone brightly.   
“Yeah it is…finally” you said, as happiness brimmed within you.

Your conscience was cleared, the weight was lifted off your shoulders. Walking on the pavement, you felt the urge to skip with joy. You felt pride, putting yourself out there to speak up for something worthwhile. And saving a relationship you valued, you really did your part. It was going to be a good day, you knew it.

Until you suddenly felt your hand being violently tugged back.  
“Wha-?”  
Turning back with annoyance, your eyes widened with shock.

You felt powerless when Freddie Jackson pushed you against the nearest brick wall by the pub.   
He looked devastated. With a tired looking face, his alcohol breath landed hot on your face, leaving you startled and confused.

“Freddie?” You breathed, “It’s 9:30 in the morning, why are you drinking?s”   
Chuckling maniacally, Freddie looked straight at you.   
“Oh…wouldn’t you like to _fucking_ know!” He drawled.   
“Wha-?”  
“Oh Come on! Do it I have to _fucking_ spell it out for you?”  
“You might have to, cause I have no clue”Continuing with his chuckles, he leaned in closer to you. So close you could see yourself in his eyes.   
“You…” he stressed, as his smile disappeared completely, “You’ve always been so different. Different from Jackie and Maggie…” he said.

You gulped. Did you by chance defy him? Was he embarrassed because of what you said? Was he angered?

“And after 4 fucking years, you’ve grown up into someone…so…”

Unable to describe himself, he could only grunt with frustration. Concerned, you stepped away from the wall.   
“What are you trying to say, Freddie?”   
You gasped as you felt yourself being pushed back again. Pressing himself against you, he placed his lips next to your ear.   
“I _fucking_ fancy you, Y/N…”   
Frozen, you simply couldn’t believe your ears.   
“Heheh..that’s right….” He chuckled as he continued to whisper, “…my cock…Oh! It gets _fucking_ hard for you. I _can’t…fucking…stop_ thinking about you, Y/N…” he said, brushing his nose against your temple. Chills literally traveled down your spine.

“So…what do have to say about that?” 

He asked you, haunting your ears in a low voice.   
Still frozen with disbelief, you waited. Until a form of breath could even reach your lungs.There it was, your innocent childhood fantasy, come to life in the most, filthy and unethical manner.

“Freddie…I…” You began, impatiently waiting for the rest of the sentence to come out.   
For how would you answer him now?


	4. The Comfort

For a split second, you strongly wished you had never grown up. For a split second you envied Peter Pan’s concept. For you wondered if this was your punishment for growing up. 

_“So…what do have to say about that?”_

With a menacingly desperate look flashing in his eyes, Freddie inquired. 

On average, there would never be a problem for you to respond to any question posed to you. The quality of the answer may not be the best. But yet, you would answer. You would save your dignity. But at this very moment, you were simply speechless. Could it be that this was the most challenging question you’ve ever encountered in your life?

“Freddie…I…”  
You began, on a desperate attempt. Until you finally decided to let your heart speak up instead of your mind.   
“This is not funny…” you hissed with emotion. Freddie laughed. If a passerby had seen, they would mistake that laughter for something innocent. But you knew, he was merely masking his frustration. 

“Funny?” He began, “Do you think I’m _fucking_ JOKING?” He said, shaking you by the shoulders hard with aggression. The violent shaking, and the strong stench of alcohol, it made you dizzy. But more importantly, you were afraid. You were very afraid. For it was the first time you saw that side to him. 

Could it be that your thoughts were somehow transferred to him through the medium of your expressive eyes, for within a few seconds, you saw the aggression slowly drain away from him, along with the shaking. With his hands still on you, he calmed himself down. 

As if he was surprised by his own response.

“Oi! Freddie!”

Jimmy cried out from a few feet away, standing by the car. His voice was certainly a god-send at this very moment, and you had never been this thankful to see him there. So grateful, you finally felt a rush of blood to your brain. As he walked towards the both of you, Freddie quickly pulled away. 

“Oh Jimmy! Thank God…” 

You breathed, as he finally made it.Letting you go, Freddie suddenly lost his balance. But luckily, Jimmy caught him on time.

“I think… Freddie’s had wee bit too much…” 

You said, feigning a chuckle as you attempted to sound normal, offering a valid excuse for him to corner you, “Could you please-” you gestured as you showed him your bag of books. 

“Yeah! of course…Go on!” Jimmy replied. 

Nodding away your gratefulness, you rushed out of there with incredible speed.   
You couldn’t run, not with the heavy bag of books on you. But you walked. You speed walked. And your breathing was at a whole other level. It was faster than it should be. 

Walking away, your thoughts were busier than ever before. You tried your hardest to make sense of what on earth just happened to you. 

Ever since Freddie Jackson got out of prison, it seemed that your life was not the same anymore. As if it was going through a dramatic change every time you met him. Sure, you do admit of your youthful obsession and love for him in your much younger days. Your innocent self longed for him to be yours. Truthfully, you really did love him with all your heart. But the difference was, in every moment you hoped for that, you had other hopes as well. You hoped you’d be older, you hoped he wasn’t married, you hoped for fate to be completely different. Your intentions were never immoral.

Thus, why should you accept his feelings now? Why should you be so insane? He should know better, you thought. As much as you were an adult, and clearly very in touch with your sexual desires, you felt horrid chills, just to hear him speak of his sexual desire for you. So raw, so explicit. You felt strange, you actually felt sick. You could not even appreciate whatever the good you could extract from this- NO! There was nothing good at all. It was wrong, all wrong, You told yourself. For goodness sakes, he was your sister’s husband, the father to your nieces. 

How could he? How dare he?

You suddenly felt colder. Wrapping your jacket tightly, you kept walking. If only walking could help you get away from your problems so easily.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A Mess, that was what you were. And you clearly knew it. You knew it the moment your concerned thoughts tampered with your sense of direction, forcing you to walk kilometers away from University, thus getting late to your favorite lecture. With your dramatic entrance into the lecture hall, you caused an interruption, and life clearly punished you for it with a horrible corner seat. You knew you were a mess when the usual theories the Professor lectured on seemed completely off and confusing, and the words in your textbook were simply untranslatable, causing you more trouble when you, one of the best students, were suddenly posed with a question from the professor. Tongue-tied and evidently clueless of your surroundings, you appeared to look completely dumb in front of many, leaving your professor quite disappointed. But no one was more disappointed about all this than you. It was the worst.

You were a mess. It was certain. 

As the bell rang with intensity, you remained seated while the others swarmed off. Staring at the blackboard like a zombie, you were completely unaware of the many attempts your professor made to call you over with concern, and then finally gave up to walk away. You were oblivious to all. Taking your time, you reached out for your books, sweeping them into your bag without a care in the world while sliding off the chair. 

Until your friend, Marcus stopped by.

“Y/N….” He said, “What was that?” He asked with genuine concern.   
Tired of hearing that, you merely answered him with a heavy sigh, for you did not know either. Truthfully the question made you feel worse. Aware of the situation, Marcus pressed his lips with guilt. 

“I’m sorry…I’m just-” He began, leaning closer “Are you alright?” He asked softly. 

“Yeah…” you answered quickly, looking down “I’m fine…I…” 

Except you were not. You were just sick of lying. At that moment, you just did not have the energy to put up with a show. No pretense. Sighing even heavier, you slowly felt the tears welling up in your eyes. Shaking your head, you sniffed softly. 

“….I’m not…Marcus” 

You admitted, as the tears finally trickled down, “ I’m not…” you added, quite relieved when your friend pulled you into a comforting embrace without hesitation. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Alright…here you go…” 

Marcus returned to the table, surprising you with two cups of steaming hot coffee. In an attempt to cheer you up, he brought you to the cafe nearby the university. 

Taking a deep breath, you indulged on the aroma that tickled you in the nostrils.

“Marcus, you didn’t have to do this…” you said, looking at him, to which he shook his head. 

“It is my money, so I get to decide what I do with it…” , he said decisively, as he sat across from you. His playful reply made you smile a little. Among him and Heath, Marcus was indeed the saner one. He was the kinder one. And he would always be the first to care for his friends. 

“Thanks…” you said, before taking a sip of the hot beverage. Marcus gazed at you with much thoughtfulness. 

“What’s going on, Y/N?” He asked softly.   
Pressure came over you. Truthfully, you did not wish to bring up the horrid memory once more. But then again, you realized that you literally had no one else to share this with. Besides, you would be the one to encourage the venting in others. So why can’t you? And Marcus being the only trustworthy person in university was convincing enough.  
Taking deep breath, you began: 

“It’s my family” you continued, holding on to the cup, “We have a… complicated set of people…and, currently it looks like we are dealing with some drama. Some very unexpected drama” you went on, attempting a chuckle, “I don’t want to get into the details…I hope you understand” you said, sipping more coffee before it turned cold. Marcus nodded frantically. 

“No it’s fine…” he said, “I’m sorry about that…” his tone laced with tenderness.   
Silence took over for a few minutes while you both continued to drink. 

“But was it so bad, though?” 

Marcus could not help ask further, bringing the chair close he sat right next to you. And frankly, you did not mind. 

“It’s just…” you paused, as you found the right words, “I think it had gotten worse because of…me. I’m worried whether I did something to cause it….” 

“Well…” rubbing his chin, Marcus continued, “…try to ask yourself this: Did you ever do something within your conscience to hurt anyone?” 

“No…” you answered so quickly, for it was the truth. 

“Well…If you know it’s not your fault, then there’s no need to feel guilty about anything, right?” He asked, with a smile on his face. That smile, it calmed you, it reassured you. 

“Yeah…yeah you’re right” you said, “Why should I?” You added with realization.  
“See?”

You both chuckled by the happy outcome. Exhaling deeply, you felt liberated. And less guilty. This was never your fault. You were never an enabler. You just need to let the strength take you through this difficult time. Motivation coarse through you. 

“I do feel a lot better talking to you…” you said, “Sorry for the vent though…” to which Marcus dismissed it with squinted eyes. 

“What for?” He asked, “ You always put up with me and Heath…” he said, to which you nodded in agreement, “Besides, it doesn’t feel right when you’re not smiling…” his voice grew softer with those words, “I miss that smile…” 

As sweet as it was, you stifled a grin, raising your eyebrows, “Your flirting game needs a little brushing up there, mate” 

“I wasn’t flirt-hah!” He cried when you shoved him slightly, causing the both of you to burst out laughing. With the laughter slowly dying down, you looked at the cup. 

“Thank you…really!” You said shyly, eyes still glued to the cup, “I don’t know what I’ve would have done without you…” 

“Well..it was my pleasure…” 

Nervous, you felt nervous in the best way. Finally looking up, you found his eyes staring at yours. With rich brunette locks framing a freckled face that was fashioned with blue eyes, sharp nose and thin lips, Marcus was what you could call handsome in an English way. And being in such close proximity, you managed to see him in a whole different light. You felt safe, but he also made you feel something else entirely. 

Leaning forward, he bravely took a chance placing his lips on your cheek. As touched as you were, you remain unmoved, for you welcomed it. In fact, you wanted much more. Resulting you to quickly press your lips against his own soon after he pulled back. Taking it in as a sign, you felt Marcus kiss you back in kind, cupping your face with his gentle hands.


	5. The Denial

_**(A week later)**_ A week earlier, the thought of Family Dinner would have almost sent you to the brinks of hell. Especially given the events that took place right after the last one. But, to your relief, you were completely at peace this time.

With your heart as calm as the still waters, you felt like yourself once again for the past week. The version of yourself before his return, that was. Yes, you did not even dare mention his name, even in your heart. With your heart devoid of him, the chances of seeing him in public also grew almost to NIL the past week. Not even a happy coincidence. For you were not inclined to. Plus, with Marcus around, a problem that was as unnecessary as that was not in your list of priorities.

Perhaps because of the history of friendship, Marcus did not treat you as he treated other girls in relationship. You were dear to him, you saw in his eyes. You were something so precious he safeguarded with all his might. The hours spent together grew more often, yet it was spent no differently as before. Except for the occasional loving glances shared in secret, or even the sweet kisses stolen every now and then between sips of coffee and library study sessions. During all that time, Marcus made you feel safe. Excitement? Not really. Passion? Certainly not. But safety? Absolutely.

“Oh! They’re here!”

Lena Summers rushed to the door upon hearing the doorbell ring. You assumed it was Jackie and the family. Setting the table with Maggie, you took deep breaths, mentally preparing yourself with enough peace to face him, and to face whatever nonsense he will bring up this time, especially when he catches you alone. Except this time, you were not going to break down. For your heart was safe.

Looking up, you wore your brightest smile to welcome the Jacksons, only to have your eyebrows slightly furrow with confusion upon seeing him. Contrary to your expectations, Freddie Jackson appeared nowhere near conflicted nor sarcastic. He was clean and sober much more than you’ve ever seen him before in your life. Dressed neatly, his eyes was distinctly clearer, and more beautiful than ever. Certainly different from your previous memory of him. And the way he greeted you, it was evident he had remorse hidden in his eyes, silently begging you to forgive him.

You could not figure him out. Even during dinner, you could not help but wonder what had changed Freddie. He seemed more in control. Of his actions, and of his emotions. You could honestly say you blinked with surprise more than a dozen times, wondering if this was actually a dream.

“Could you pass the gravy please, Y/N?”

Freddie’s voice woke you from your thoughts. You blinked once again for a few seconds, confused by his politeness.

“Yeah…uh sure” you struggled, handing him the gravy boat, to which he smiled.

“Thank you…” he replied, in a deep tone.

Nodding, you wanted to look away. Except you were tempted to stare. All the while your sisters and mother had a conversation of their own without your slightest attention.

“…Don’t know…let me ask him…” Jackie said, looking over to her husband, “Freddie, babe…you at home tomorrow night?”

“Of course, babe…” He answered obediently, with the same smile.

“Y/N…” You looked up from your plate as your sister addressed you, “Cinema tomorrow, you coming right?” She asked, whilst Maggie and your mother looked at you excitedly. Opening your mouth, you hesitated to answer.

“No, thanks” you said, “I…uh have plans”

Which was certainly an answer that made your family raise their eyebrows.

“You never miss the cinema…”Maggie said, “You love it…it’s the Summers tradition”

She was right. You would be the first person to leap up in excitement to go see the pictures with your mother and sisters. It remained a tradition since you were young. But this time, you had become selfish enough to ignore it all.

“I uh…” you began, as everyone waited for a valid reason, “ I guess this is a good time as any to say this…uh…”. You struggled, as you continued with a deep breath: “Marcus and I…We’re seeing each other”

The reactions were so quick you barely could observe everyone else’s, but all you could remember was you mother’s, whose eyes were widened with curiosity.

“You mean…that nice boy we talked about?” She asked. You nodded.

“Yes…” you said, with a shy smile. Only then were your ears brimmed with loud, happy exclamations from everyone, even Jimmy’s.

“Oh my god-” Jackie cried out happily. “I can’t believe it” Maggie followed suite as she cupped her own face with wonder. Your mother stood up in excitement, making you walk over to her open arms. “Oh! Darling…about bloody time!” She cried out, pulling you into a hug, “Oh! I’m so happy for you…”

“Mum, relax…we’re just dating” you chuckled, being held tightly in her arms, “ And would you mind terrible if I asked him to join us for brunch next Sunday?”

You asked, knowing completely the extent of her excited squeals.

“Of course I won’t, love!”

Pulling away, you watched the others clap for you with pure excitement. All except Freddie. Though he wore a smile on his face, you could tell he was knee deep in pretense. Especially when those beautiful eyes were far from smiling.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“See? We always knew Marcus would be the one…”

“Stop now! It’s not like we’re getting married…”

You said to Maggie, although you could not stop smiling. The kitchen was infused with soap smell as you joined your sisters and mother clean up the dishes after dinner. Even hours after, your family still could not get over the great news you brought.

“Actually, I’m quite excited for Sunday…” you admitted, drying off your hands after washing the last plate, “I really can’t wait for him to properly meet you all”

Watching the eyes of your sisters and your mother shine, made you feel warm inside. For the first time ever, you knew what it was like to be the daughter your mother wanted, and the woman your sisters hoped you’d become. Away from all the chaos. Into a normal life that was peaceful.

The sound of glass shattering made all of you jump in alarm.

“What was that?” Lena inquired, before one of Jackie’s daughters raced in to the kitchen.

“Mommy! It’s Daddy! He’s hurt” she cried out.

Your heart sank involuntarily into the sea of concern. Suddenly, you were dying with impatience. Rushing into the dinning room together, you all found Freddie sitting there by the table, with his hand gripping on to a broken beer bottle whilst a river of crimson flowed out of it.

“Oh Freddie! What did you do?” Jackie cried, as she held his hand. Shaking his head, Freddie couldn’t care less of what happened. 

“It’s nothing babe…just a cut” he muttered coolly. Jackie scoffed, whilst taking the broken bottle out of his hand. Without any hesitation, you headed back to the kitchen.

“Just? You’re bleeding like mad” Your sister said as she put a napkin on his cut, applying the needed pressure to stop the bleeding. Returning with the medical kit, you handed it to Jackie.

“Thanks, Y/N…could you keep pressing this on his hand?” Jackie asked, before you could even object. But you were not cruel. You could not be. Not to Freddie. Not today.

“Yeah, sure…” , you said, moving towards him. Gently taking his hand on yours, you kept pressing the napkin on his cut, shyly avoiding his gaze on you.

Muttering to herself, Jackie opened the box and took out gauze and medicine. “Seriously Freddie, what happened?” She yelled with concern to which you could not blame.

“ _Nothing_ babe…” he insisted, “my hand slipped…” he added, whilst sneakily looking your way. 

As much as you wanted to avoid him, you could not help but worry for the man. What was he up to? You wondered. As you continued to press the napkin, you secretly prayed for his speedy recovery. It was secret, for you had no intention of verbally declaring. It was not your place to do so. And most of all, a simple misunderstanding could do more damage than expected.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_**(Sunday)** _

Excitement became you as you smacked your lips. With the last smear, you closed the lipstick while staring into the mirror. The mellow yellow cotton dress complimented with the Rouge lips, which was a special color you wore for this special occasion. Yes it was just brunch, but brunch with Marcus and the family.

“Oh my!” Maggie’s voice reached your ears with her arrival into the room, “Love this shade on you, love” she said, giving you the thumbs up of approval. You smiled excitedly.

“Thanks…” you said, feeling your curled hair, “..is everything ready?” Looking out of the room, You asked with concern, to which Maggie stopped you with a pat on your shoulder.

“Don’t worry about a thing…” she said with assurance. And you believed her.

The ringing of the doorbell made her squeal before you “Oh! It must be him”.

12pm. Just in time. You were already proud of him. Skipping lightly, you made your way to the door. Opening the door in a graceful like fashion, you curtsied in an attempt to make your boyfriend laugh.

Except it was Jimmy who stood there.

“Jimmy!” You said with disappointment, clearing your throat to change your tone, “Hey!” You greeted him, feigning enthusiasm. 

“Y/N Hey! Sorry…” he said, lowering his voice, “…is Marcus here already?” He whispered with concern. You shook your head.

“No not yet actually…” you chuckled nervously as he entered. 

“Anyways…” Jimmy began, “Freddie said he can’t make i-”

“Yeah! yeah alright…” you cut him off, having no regards to anything he just mentioned, “Thanks Jimmy…” oblivious to the entire situation, you stepped out of the house.

Hoping this won’t a sign of bad luck, you waited for Marcus.

15 minutes later, you paced around, looking to your left and right with focus. Could it be that something had come up? Impossible. It was a Sunday. “Come on…Marcus” you muttered to yourself as you kept on waiting.

Half an hour later, your foot began to tap nervously as you stood there in front of the house with your arms folded. Could it be that he got into an accident? What if he was badly injured somewhere with no access to a telephone? Shaking your head, you were convinced you were overreacting.

An hour passed, yet you held on to the little hope that managed to linger even when everything else was proving you wrong. When the second hour finally passed, you were at the brink of giving up. Slowly taking your heels off, you walked back inside with messy hair and a cold expression.

“Where is he, love?” Your mother asked you with genuine concern as you entered the dinning room, With the food already gotten cold in the table, you saw the pitiful looks everyone gave you. Though they were quiet, you could hear it all. You felt guilty, you were confused to the fullest. But most of all, you were heartbroken.

The friend you thought you could trust enough to love, ditched you right before your family. Coming to that realization, the tears that you fought so hard to hold in, flowed down your rosy cheeks continuously as you stormed into your room, closing it shut.


	6. The Submission

Which day was it out there, you did not know. Nor did you even bother to care. When you chose to be stuck in the confines of your room, how could you?

In the midst of sleep, you were a frequent guest. You were always ready to be after all the crying. With your cheeks stained with tears, you were moisturized enough to lay your face on the pillow and drift into a place where nothing had happened and you felt nothing. Eating seemed unnecessary, so you did less of it. Talking had no place in your heart either, thus you barely heard your own voice. For even when you cried, it was silent and soulless. Your mother was worried, so were your sisters, both of them. Every now and then, you’d hear them talk. Through the door in hopeful attempts to cheer you up, but they received no answer. To be frank, this ordeal was not much of an ordeal altogether. But it turned out to be one with the wrong timing. A period of time that left you vulnerable and in need of love and protection.

Four days later, the phone rang loudly for you. It was only informed to you through Maggie’s knocks on the door. After giving in to her insistence, you forced yourself out of bed, to walk out to the living room. 

“Hello?” You answered in a throaty voice.

“ _Fuckin’_ Hell!” Heath, your friend replied, “Y/N, you sound like shit”

You rolled your eyes with annoyance.

“I’m hanging up now” “NO WAIT WAIT!”

Heath was quick to respond with an apologetic tone,“Look…” he sighed, before continuing, “I heard everything from your sister. You can’t just stay locked up in your room forever, Y/N” he said, sounding genuinely concerned, “How about we blow off some steam, eh?”

“And how do you propose we do that exactly?” You asked with snark. “Dancing, my love!”

Although he could not see your reaction, you were not hesitant to shake your head furiously. “Oh no no no, Heath No-” “Come ON! Y/N!” He interrupted, “You always held yourself back when me and the lads from Uni would go…” he added, “Besides, you’re a great dancer, so it’s really a waste!” “I…uh…” you paused, struggling to respond. He does make some convincing points. 

“Please Y/N, say yes. You’ll finally get to meet Liza” 

“Is she the new one?”

“Yeah…” Heath said, “Come on! You know it’s going to be fun. Please, Y/N! I miss my friend”

And there he went, putting the friend card in the conversation. For a second, you could sense a hint of sadness in his voice. As if he really meant those words. As this was the first ever time Heath had gone out of his way to call you. To even check up on you, guilt came over you much faster than expected. You sighed to surrender.

“Alright…I’m in”

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_**(Friday night)** _

After feeding your ears to sombre, sad music for five days straight, your body felt reborn when the festive, groovy songs called to you from the distance.

Stepping into the club, the disco lights greeted you, resting on your body, washing all over you. Fully refreshed by the illumination, you felt the depression within you disappear altogether.

Heath picked you up from home that evening. His new girlfriend Liza, was a pleasant girl to be around, so you did not mind the extra company at all. Besides, going as a group felt more comforting than going alone.

Passing through the crowd, you felt many eyes on you, remaining on you until you vanished from their sights. It made you more self aware. But it was also a good sign for looking presentable. You knew you were well groomed, you made sure of that. Today was special. You bathed instead of showering, pampering your skin with bath salts and warm foam instead of attacking it with the hot pressurized shower water. As your body slowly moved and grooved to the music, the soft, shiny curls bounced on your shoulders, complimenting the pink hues on your cheeks and the shiny rouge on your lips. 

With music reuniting with your body after a while, you were certainly ready to dance your troubles away, and to wipe an unwanted slate clean.

“Y/N…”

You froze. It was Marcus’ voice. As you quickly turned to find you standing before you, you felt your heart sink. With the lights flashing behind him, he appeared ethereal. The fact you thought of him as such made your heart sink even further. Seeing that angelic face brought nothing but cruel reminders. Your suffering, your embarrassment. Two weeks of so-called ‘Happiness’ that turned out to be lies.

“What are you doing here?” You asked curtly. The minute you realized Heath stood behind you with a knowing look, made you gasp.

“Wait! Did you know?” You asked angrily, turning to him. Rubbing his own neck, Heath took a deep breath.

“Y/N…” He began, “You have to understand. You two are my best mates. You can’t expect me to just stand there on the sidelines when this friendship crumbles to the ground. I miss you both” he continued, “So please! Stop being such fuckin’ cunts and talk it out!” He finished it with frustration. 

Grabbing his girlfriend by the hand, he headed to the bar. Even with the large crowd invading the dance floor, you and Marcus felt completely isolated. All the sudden, you were not relaxed anymore.

“Y/N…” Marcus began with caution, “ I know….You’re furious. And I’m sorry. I really am, you have to know that-”

“I’m not a stranger to people ignoring me, Marcus”

Looking up, you finally had the courage to speak up “But this…this was not what I had in mind. Not when it was my best friend who I…thought I loved ” the more you talked, the more you opened up, “What we had…I treasured it so much. You know I was going through shit when you…But ditching me like that? In front of my family, with no news what so ever…? ” looking at him with genuine sadness, you continued, “You humiliated me…Why?” You scoffed, “Am I not pretty anymore? Did I do something wrong-”

“Y/N, nothing is wrong with you…It’s just-”

“What?”

With hands on one’s hips, you asked him. With a heavy sigh, Marcus pressed his lips tightly.

“My parents…” he began, “They…weren’t the most pleased when they heard I was dating you.They kept using the word ‘unsuitable-”

“Is it because of my family, Marcus?” You asked him in the most straightforward manner possible. It surprised him. When he opened his mouth, nothing came out. “Y/N I-” “IS IT?” “YES! okay?” Your fist clenched as you kept staring at him, “What? Is it cause my sisters are dating gangsters? Is that it?” You asked, “And that suddenly makes me one of them? Suddenly I’m not good enough?” “You know I don’t think that way-” “Oh Piss off!” You said with squinted eyes, “We both clearly know you love your parents, of course you feel that way too…” “Y/N Please understand that I’m really confused here…” “Well, given the fact you didn’t show up that day, I’m happy to inform you that you’re really not…the answer is already there, mate!” You snapped. With his eyes closed, Marcus appeared to be in a difficult position. But it was clearly not your issue.

“Now…” you began, “If you excuse me…I’m off to engage in some unsuitable activities!”

As you said it in an ironic tone, you shot him one last look before you headed over to the bar. You walked over there with much intention. As much as you were offended, you were also very hurt. For this was your reality. No matter what you would do. no matter how hard you would try, you would always be seen as the bad girl. Gangster blood.

Grabbing a barstool, you luckily found yourself next to Heath, who looked quite hopeful.

“So? You had the talk?” He asked eagerly, looking for any trace of Marcus nearby.

“Oh… we talked…” you said through gritted teeth, trying to signal the bartender. 

“You need shots?” Your friend asked as he offered to make the order. You nodded.

“Yeah…A fuck ton!”

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The moment when your fingers felt light, that was when you stopped drinking. Pushing yourself away from the bar, your movements felt smoother and you finally felt peace of mind. You were at peace, away from the chaos that you longed to escape from. You just didn’t care anymore. For no one really cared for you.

With alcohol freeing you from your inhibitions, you began to dance. Provocatively, in fact. You felt liberated when your body moved from side to side, when it rolled with much lithe that it appeared more beautiful in your one shoulder dress. Though you danced among the others, with your eyes closed in your own world, you were the only one.

You heard people approve of your dancing, you heard their admiration. Fueling your self confidence, you danced even more. Comments from afar seemed sufficient. Until someone decided to ruin it by intruding your space.

“Well, Hello Beautiful…”

An uninvited hand slithered over your waist. Opening your eyes, you found a young man dancing with you. He was around your age, possibly someone from your university. But you didn’t know him. He was not bad looking, although that did not excuse him from acting this way. Especially when you did not offer any sort of consent. His eyes were filled with lust, predatory to be specific. Bringing you closer, he freely allowed his hand to wander further down, shocking you by grabbing your buttocks.

You felt violated, disgusted. Pushing him away, you shot him a threatening look.

“Stop touching me!” You said, for you were not in the mood to be polite.

“Well look who’s talking now?” The young man drawled, pushing himself against you once again, trying his hardest to rest his hands on your body “Come on, babe…you know you want this-”

“I SAID STOP!” You yelled, hitting him in his chest. Unfortunately, he was stronger than you. Strong, intoxicated and stubborn to the bone, he held your wrists, which made you feel helpless. The music overpowered the entire situation that no one really bothered. What were you to do? Before you could cry out the names of your friends, you saw a hand grab the man by the shoulder to pull him away. Your jaw dropped when you realized who it was.

“Alright alright…What’s with all the commotion, eh?”

Freddie Jackson said, his hand still on the man’s shoulder. Closing your jaw, you stared at him with shock. What was he doing here? And was he watching you this whole time?You were an idiot if you couldn’t admit how relieved you were to see him there.

Chuckling, the young man patted Freddie’s hand in solidarity.

“No it’s all good, mate. We’re all just having a good time” He said, moving closer to Freddie, “Except this one…she's a bit uptight” he said laughing, hoping Freddie would laugh alongside him. And to your surprise, he did.

“Oh yeah? This one?” Freddie asked, pointing at you as if he didn’t know you, “Yeah…She a fine one, innit?” He asked the man. Embarrassed even further, you just wanted to run away.

“Yeah…”the man nodded, “Hehe-ARGHH!!”

Except, he couldn’t keep nodding for he let out a painful scream. Right when Freddie kicked his face with the knee, giving him a bloody nose. As the man stumbled to the side, Freddie pushed him down to the ground, not letting him rest as he began to kick him in the stomach with anger. You’ve never seen his eyes filled with such rage as you did tonight.

“RIGHT HERE…” He said, as he kicked him with each word, “IN MY…FUCKING CLUB !”

His club? He owned this place? Perhaps he received ownership of this from Sid or Ozzy.

“Fucking Pisser!” He muttered, spitting as the man finally lost consciousness. Upon his signal, the two thugs that stood behind him took the young man away. It did not have to end this violently. But it did. And all you could do was to watch with bated breath.

And the moment Freddie laid his eyes on you, it was unknown what your fate was to be. Before you could say anything further, he took you by the hand, dragging you out from the dance floor in an instant.

“Y/N? Where is she?” Marcus cried out, looking for her. Finally meeting with Heath, they both speechlessly watched you disappear into the crowd with Freddie.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Freddie! Where are we going?”

Almost tripping in your heels, you followed him as he dragged you with no answer. Past the dancing crowd ,the both of you went in through a small door that led to a hallway. As relieved as you were to have him there to be your accidental guardian angel, you were equally fearful of what was to come.

“Look, I’m sorry If I embarrassed you…” you said, “I didn’t even know this was your club” you continued, “But please tell me what’s going on?”

Yet, you heard no answer. And you had no choice but to follow him. You followed and followed, until finally he stopped by a door. Most of your intoxication had left your body at this point, leading you closer to sobriety.

Kicking the door open with rage, he entered the room with you. Light and weightless in his grip, you moved so swiftly. Everything happened in a flash, as he closed the door shut, pushing you against it with his hands tightly gripping your shoulders.

“The fuck were you doing?” He spat, “Letting that fucker put his hands all over you?”

“I didn’t! He was coming on to me!” You said defensively, for it was the truth. Freddie may have sounded enraged, but you could tell that rage stemmed from concern.

Silence ruled over the both of you for a few seconds, with just the deep and loud exchanged. Finally synchronizing with the other, you watched as his gazed fixed on yours with intensity. The longer you looked, the less you saw Freddie Jackson the gangster, instead it was Freddie, the man who looked out for you ever since you were young.

“NEVER…” he began, “… let anyone put their fucking hands on you!” He said. Exhaling with relief, you slowly nodded in acknowledgement. “Except mine…” To which your eyes widened with confusion. “What do you m-” Freddie cut you off completely, simply by cupping your face, and attacking your lips with his very own.

You could not fathom what just happened. For there he was, kissing you. Freddie Jackson was kissing you. Not in your dreams, but in actual reality. Coming to that realization, you quickly pushed him away.

A part of you expected him to be displeased. But it was quite the opposite. You saw a man madly enamored by you. Desperate to have you. And the way his mouth was parted, evidently enslaved to your lips.

Seeing all that, it brought you reminders. Reminding you of that little girl from a long ago, who placed layer after layer of love in her heart for him, wishing he would love her back someday. Reminding of that very same girl, who cried her eyes out when she realized he would never be hers.

Apart from Reminders, it brought you heaps of realizations. Filterless Realizations. Realizing even after all those attempts of avoiding him, of refusing him, he was still the only man to rescue you. The only one mad enough to care for you, to want you, to strike a man down for you. Regardless of what obstacles that got in his way, he still wanted you. Wanted you in every possible way.

You may have thought it to be wrong. But in the end of the day, you realized it did not matter anymore. For right or wrong, it did not exist in your world. For the world will always look at you with just one pair of lenses. So, who were you to deprive yourself of happiness?

Grabbing him by his collar, you finally found the courage to kiss him back.

Kissing Freddie felt like seeing fireworks. Gentle only for a millisecond, followed by passion in heaps and bounds. All that suppressed desire exposed to one another in short but intense outlets. Kissing him was everything you imagined it to be, but even better. With his lips so luscious, you felt like you were spoiled completely.

Your knees grew weak. Because of the alcohol or his kisses? You did not know. But nevertheless, Freddie held you by the waist. As he held you, his own hands traveled down to cup your buttocks, arousing you even more as this simply wiped away the horrid memory you experienced earlier. With his lips moving from your mouth, you felt them latch on to your neck, kissing there with such intensity you threw your head back.

“Freddie…Ah!” You moaned.

Backing away from the door with you in his arms, Freddie moved so skillfully fast, you found yourself falling back on to a sofa. As he climbed on top of you, it felt like you were a prey being captured by the predator. Except he merely attacked you with passionate kisses. You wished you could force time to slow down, given Freddie’s rush, tonight was not the night. While he kissed you, his hands got equally busy, taking hold of the ends of your tight dress, pulling it high enough he could spread your knees open. Extreme sensitivity greeted you, and the door to your deepest fantasy opened when you felt his fingers located your slit over your panties. Stroking it through the thin material, he was gentle at first only to feel his way through, until confidence showed up and his fingers increased in speed. He was impatient, you could tell. Gasping in to the kiss, you realized how wet you were. Like a hungry mouth salivating for food, so was your opening, starving for him. Freddie peeled off your panties with great speed, until he managed to toss it away. To where, he didn’t seem to care. And neither did you. When his lips finally left yours, a groan of frustration exited you. But sitting up with your elbows, you saw that he was in a desperate attempt to unbuckle his trousers.

“Fuck!”

He said, through gritted teeth whilst undoing his belt. Heavy blushes appeared on your face only when you noticed how he kept staring at your exposed, wet slit. Fueled with more desire, you wanted lend a hand, but with experienced he was quickly freed from the constraints. Thus, revealing his manhood.

You inhaled deeply, recalling the first ever time you laid eyes on it, peeping through the shower curtain that fateful night. Only now you were finally free to admit to yourself how much you enjoyed the sight of it. And how you had to suppress that indulgent for you were clouded by your moral compass. But now, nothing was to get in your way as you stared at it.Thick, long, beautiful and very erect, you wished you had time to explore it. But when your eyes were met with his, you knew it was not the time. Especially when you cried out softly as he slowly but finally, inserted himself in you.

Your body welcomed it with ease. He felt so perfect inside you. He watched your blushing face, react with fluttered eyes to each of his thrusts that got more and more intense.

“Freddie…” you cried out, loud enough only for him to hear as he buried his face on your neck while tightly held on to him. That was all you could really do. Except this time, you did not call it out cause of fear nor confusion. For this time, you called it again and again because of the purest of pleasure.

“Freddie…”


	7. The Declaration

Never did you have faith in the concept of heightened senses, until this moment. The muffled music from the dance floor finally reached your ears with clarity. And with eyes locked in the ceiling above you, it was finally possible for you to identify every single brush stroke that was lazily applied. A whiff of tobacco suddenly reached the ends of your nostrils, helping you spot the cloud of smoke that traveled towards where your eyes rested.

Turning your head, you watched Freddie. Sitting on a chair nearby, his pants remained unbuckled as he smoked. No words, not even a curse under the breath was uttered. Along with the air you took in to your lungs, you also took in the heavy silence. You did not know why. But you were compelled to respect his wishes. You sat up slowly, pulling the rest of your dress down, wiping off the sticky remnants of his release from your stomach with the material as you did so. With your your feet finally on the ground, the first thing you wanted to do was look for your missing panties.

It felt imperative that you retrieve it back. Not to wear it, for wearing it would be highly unhygienic. You just did not wish to cause suspicion. Getting on your knees, you bent down further, looking under the coffee table which was in front of the sofa. To your luck, you found it. Keeping the thin material crumpled up in your palm, you sat back on the sofa, watching Freddie. You hoped he would speak at least by now. You hoped he would at least turn back.

But he did not. All he could do was to keep smoking, as if no one else was there.

You felt a numbing feel in your chest. Was this it? You wondered. Could it be that the things he had said, only mattered until this very moment? Until the moment he finally had you to ravish? with your full consent? Perhaps it was a curiosity he had to explore. And being Freddie, he had his eyes set on that curiosity he made it convincing. And now that the deed was done, there was no need to look that way again. Perhaps you were too young, not experienced enough as his previous conquests, that you proved to be not as memorable. As those thoughts went through you, insecurity took over. You felt foolish. Could it be that all that you felt was simply moot?

Before you could ponder on it any further, you heard the creak on Freddie’s chair when he got up. Without a passing a glance, he exited the room. Except, he left with the door wide open. A part of you felt used. While the other part was just quiet. You waited for a few minutes until you finally decided to get up. Coming out of the room, the hallway was empty as the last time you saw it. Upon seeing your reflection on the door of the room right in front, you quickly rubbed the smudged lipstick off your chin. Your hair on the other hand, as wild as it was before.

You did not have the heart to return to the dance floor. With your eyes closed, you prayed for a way to leave the premises unnoticed.

“Y/N?”

You spotted Jimmy Jackson on your far right, standing on the end of the hallway, holding the doorknob. Crumpling the panties tighter in to a fist, you walked over to him.

Freddie had called his cousin to come take you home. And from what Jimmy informed you, there had been an altercation with you involved, and Freddie had saved you from it. That was all. You only hoped that really was all he had revealed to him.

“You alright?”

Jimmy asked, all the sudden. Genuine concern was evident in his voice as he drove you home. Looking over, you merely nodded at him, turning away to face the window once again. Quite taken by your silence, Jimmy felt uncomfortable himself. This was unlike you. With an eventful night comprising of a fight, he expected you to dramatically burst. Giving him an earful about everything down to the smallest detail. But not this silence.

“Don’t know what exactly happened but…” he began, “I’m glad that Freddie was there tonight-You…” he paused, “You sure you’re alright, Y/N?” Looking back at you, he could not help but repeat his question.

“Yeah” Short but informative. you finally answered as your eyes never left the window. Jimmy, he was really like a brother you never had. You adored him fully. But at that moment, you really preferred not to discuss anything further.

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**_(The next morning)_ **

You woke up an hour later than you usually would in the weekends. With a dreamless sleep, it seemed that you have rested well.

Slowly sitting up, you were suddenly aware that you were a woman more than ever. With last night still fresh in your memory, it had affected your body and your soul. But you fancied that. It was not something you longed to forget. You felt a pang of guilt for even attempting to recall it, for it felt so secretive, it felt like a crime. But you were alone.

Clenching your stomach, you felt the presence of your opening with certainty. Clenching those muscles, your body recalled it all. The way it embraced him between your thighs, the way it held on to him tightly as he moved inside. Gripping the sheets on either sides of the bed, you found yourself grinding against the mattress, trying to find a shred of similarity of last night. But nothing came close.

The thought of last night, it made your eyes flutter, and made you drunk with desire. All you craved was to lay back down and daydream for the whole day. With your fingers dancing over your lips, you shuddered. Oh! If only those kisses you shared with him were longer. Moving down, your fingers had an agenda of its own, stopping by your neck just to recall his kisses there. Letting out a frustrated sigh, you permitted the finger to keep moving. Even over your oversized t-shirt, your heaving breasts grew extremely sensitive as your fingers stopped by each one. As they felt them, grazing back and forth in repetition until the nipples grew very erect. Oh ! If only he have had his way with them, you knew it would have been so much better. Biting your lip, you fell back to bed, you fingers digging inside your shorts with haste. Oh! If only there was a time machine, taking you back to when he touched you there. Feeling your fingers rhythmically work inside, you regretted not pleasing him more. You wished you could have undressed him, savored him in every possible manner. Your mouth dropped open, pairing up with your widened eyes, as you indulged in this erotic pleasure till finally you found your sweet release. Taking your fingers out, you pretend it was him instead. And when you did, it was silent to your utter frustration.

You were infatuated with him, and it was clearly obvious. You could finally admit it. No matter how he thought of you now, you wanted him. Even if there was no possibility, your mind cannot be changed, and it probably never will. Funny how the tables have turned.

Panting, you curled up on your side. Your feelings were finally visible before you with such organization, no trace of confusion was to be seen.

After a few minutes have passed, you jumped out of bed, and went out to make an important phone call.

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_**(Few hours later)** _

Your legs kept swinging, whilst you sat on the bench. The park nearby your house felt desolated on the week days. But it was the weekend that made it shine. Though the weather was cloudy, the crowds were tempted to come out, savoring their freedom. You sat patiently as you waited. But at the same time, a nervous feeling grew in your stomach.

You just hoped he would come.

And just in time, you saw him. With his arrival, that nervousness disappeared.

Hands digging deep in his jacket pockets, Marcus was finally within your sights walking over to you. Cheeks still pink from the morning chill, he appeared to look much younger than usual. He halted when he saw you stand up, giving him a small smile. Taking another step, you went ahead to surprise him with an embrace. An embrace that he did not take long to return.

“I’m sorry for last night…” you breathed, your voice muffled against his shoulder. Patting your back, Marcus exhaled deeply. “It’s alright…”

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You always could enjoy the silence with Marcus. That was one of the reasons he made a great friend. Sitting together side by side, you both watched the people passing by for a minute. Until you finally decided to speak:

“You were right, you know…” You began“You were right to ditch me that day…” Looking down, Marcus sighed heavily. “Y/N, for the last time…” he said, “I never thought bad of you… no matter what my parents said-” “No I mean…” you paused, “You were right to ditch me because…You and I…it doesn’t make sense” You said, looking at him, who appeared confused. Inhaling deeply, you continued, “Unfortunately, getting hurt…It made things easier for me to understand everything” you chuckled, “Can you imagine if you did come?…Oh! My family would have loved you instantly… So breaking up after that would probably just break their hearts…” you said. When he finally slowly nodded in realization, you sat closer to him.

“Marcus…I love you” you said, taking his hand “I do. But last night I finally realized. I was never _in_ love with you”you added, “And let’s be honest, neither were you”

Staring at you with wide eyes, Marcus sighed in relief. As if all the frustration and problems had just left his body, cleansing his soul. Later, squinting his eyes, he looked thoughtful.

“But then… what was it?” You heard him ask. Pressing your lips, you relaxed your shoulders. “I was in a shitty place…as you could recall. And you just being there for me…I…I misread it as something romantic. We both have been lonely for a while. So, it’s possible we were seeking some sort of comfort from each other?” You, looking up in mid-thought.

Chuckling, Marcus shot you a teasing look.

“Blimey, when did you become so insightful?”

“Since you punched me right in the heart, you wanker” you replied, sticking out your tongue, which made him laugh. “Hey-” he said, punching you on the arm playfully. As the laughter died down, you both could not help but reminisce.

“But you have to admit, the kissing was fun, right?” Marcus said, to which you nodded smiling. “Yeah it was…”you said, “You’ll make the next girl very happy, mate” you added while giving a thumbs up. The two of you kept your hands in your jacket pockets, sharing the silence in comfort. You suddenly felt Marcus turned to you.

“You alright now?”he asked, “About the family drama you mentioned?” He was truly your friend, sensing the uneasiness you had in your heart. Looking back at him, your eyes squinted, not knowing where to begin or what to say.

“I guess” you said, “…most of it anyways…” you continued “but… I don’t know”. For truthfully, you really did not know.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

One, Two and Three. Just like that, days passed. And it all felt quite normal. You appreciated that feeling more than ever before. You really did. All was well with your friends once again. Which meant a huge part of your life being healed. You spent the entirety of the weekend in their company. Just like the good old days. And you’ve never seen Heath so happy to have his two friends back, making your heart melt. All was well.

Yet, there was always one small thing, one unanswered question, that made you stare out into the distance thoughtfully every now and then.Truthfully it was nothing small. But you were in denial.

You heard nothing from Freddie ever since that night, and there was no sight of him around your house either. Did this silence mean there was nothing further to pursue on between them? Was he giving you the hint this way? Forget this, Y/N. That night of passion was merely a dream. He probably would have meant to say all that.

Perhaps this was a hint. But t it wasn’t so easy for you to get over. You found yourself thinking about it a lot everyday. And your heart made sure of that.

He would suddenly come to mind, in the most unexpected times. But it was mostly when you were in your lonesome, which was a relief for your thoughts were far from clean.

You would feel a fire in you, burning between your thighs every single time. Sometimes you would put the fire out, with showers of the harsh reality. But other times when you were less controlled and more vulnerable, you would let the fire burn more. You would do so by locking yourself up, and pleasuring yourself with the thought of him and that night.

Truthfully this was nothing small at all.

The more you tried to push the truth away, the more questions arose. Could his absence symbolize all was well with him and Jackie? Were the couple passionately in love once again after all these years? It it were the case you would have been overjoyed. If only you were not in love with your sister’s husband. Instead of joy, the mere thought it drove you to jealousy. It even made you worry: Was he finally convinced your sister was a better lover than you?

Or worse, was he not satisfied enough that he returned to philandering once again?Whoever it was, you were jealous. You wanted him, all to yourself. As bad as it sounded, you were not afraid to admit for it was the truth.

One morning, you heard Jimmy’s voice. Excited, you rushed over to the kitchen, only to find him alone, talking to Maggie affectionately as usual. No Freddie.

After breakfast, Jimmy offered you a ride to lectures, which you accepted. Not because your sister insisted, but you simply wanted to clear the awkwardness that remained since Friday night. You rarely were quiet with him usually. So that cruel silence was undeserving of him.

The drive was quiet at first. So you took the initiative.

“So um…how’s er…business?” You asked. Slowly turning his head towards your direction, Jimmy raised his eyebrows. “What?” Embarrassed, you clicked your tongue. “Come on Jimmy ! I’m not a kid. You know I know what you guys do” you said, “Might as well be open about it” you added that with a convincing tone. Chuckling softly, he focused on the road again. “Now there’s the Y/N I know…”he muttered, making you sigh in relief. All was finally well with the both of you, “It’s alright actually, much better than I thought” “What about Freddie?” You suddenly asked, “Haven’t seen him around lately…” Trying to sound casual as possible, you badly wanted to know. Was it strange to ask? Possibly not, it was just your paranoia. Jimmy did not mind. “Yeah…Freddie’s been busy lately” he said, “And thats not bad, really. He’s actually more focused now…but he seems different. Not as cheery as before. As if something’s going on inside here” he said pointing at his temple, “I miss the old Freddie” he said with a sigh.

Nodding, you also looked ahead. “I get it…” you muttered “Hope it all works out though…”

The end of that conversation made you raise more questions inside. Was it special work stress? Or were you a part of the problem?

When you returned home that afternoon, you were greeted with a phone call. But certainly not from anyone of your familiarity.

_“Hello, is this Ms.Y/N Summers?”_

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_“Hello, Ms.Summers! I’m calling from the Rose Gardens Hotel. We would like to relay a message from a Mr.Freddie Jackson? Yes. We were to inform you that he will be waiting for you at our Hotel tomorrow at 2pm for a meeting”_

This message, it kept replaying in your head. Throughout the entire night and the from the moment you woke up the next morning. Even chewing your breakfast, you were haunted by those words, leaving you with a confused expression.

The first time you’ve heard from Freddie after almost a week, and it still was not him who relayed the message. It seemed so formal. So unlike him. Truth be told, this had never happened before. 2pm, you have lectures at that time. So this did not seem possible. No can do. What was he trying to pull? Feeling uneasy, you decided to let the study pressure take over you and head for lectures.

The classes went on as usual, and you maintained your focus. But, the closer the hours got towards the designated time, your stomach began to turn. You grew nervous. During lunch break you could not even eat. Cause all you could do was wonder. Why ask for a meeting in this manner? Was it to reveal good news? Something you were dying to hear? Or was it something you dreaded to know? The bitter truth?

1pm. You walked slowly to the other lecture hall. It was a habit for you to get to the hall early after lunch in order to prepare with the lesson, or to even help Heath with his homework. With only an hour left, you grew more uneasy and curious.

Gripping on the doorknob, it was when you finally realized. Whether the good or the bad, it did not really matter. You simply needed to know. Never did you want to be one of those idiots who’ll live without any clarity. If heartbreak was meant to be, you will still survive for you were human. Besides, you would be a fool to miss out on meeting someone you missed with all your heart.

Turning back, you walked fast, bumping into Marcus and Heath. “Oi! Where you off to?” Heath asked. “Emergency…See ya tomorrow, lads” you replied loudly, as you walked.

Whatever happens, better to know.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The Rose Gardens Hotel was a quaint little place, situated bit further away. But you managed to get there by bus quite easily. Walking over to the front desk, you identified yourself and asked for Freddie, to which they merely responded silently with a paper that had the Room Number. So confidential, you wondered if he chose this place for a reason.

Walking down the hallway, you felt concerned, but more than that you felt nervous. How were you going to react? You felt like a lovestruck teenager.

Finally, standing before the door, you stared at the number. Whatever happens, better to know. With that reminder, you knocked on the door.

You held your breath when the door, revealing Freddie’s face. As much as you were nervous, you felt warmth spreading through you the moment you saw his soft smile. You smiled back. How he still managed to look so young and handsome, you did not know.

“Hey…” He breathed. “Hi…” you replied. “I was worried you might not come…” he said, letting you enter. He sounded so different. Quite shy to be specific. “I had to…” you began, pausing upon seeing him close the door with a worried expression, “I don’t think I could have lived not knowing anything”

The room was quite adorable, furnished with a Kingsize Bed, Bedside cupboards, a Television, Writing desk and an old fashioned Armchair by the window. Sitting on the edge of the neatly made bed, you watched Freddie stand by the window. Staring through it, he did not look at you. The tension suddenly grew in the room, and proceeded to brim with it. “You had class?” He asked suddenly. “Having…now.” You said, making him turn to you, “But it’s alright…” you dismissed it with your hand and an awkward chuckle. “Right…”Freddie said, “ Right…” turning back to the window, returning to his pondering. You baldy wanted to know what on earth was going on. Given his behavior you could tell he was nervous, with one hand on his hip and the other rubbing the top of his nose bridge.

“Y/N I…” Putting both hands on his hips, he turned to you, “I can’t do this. I can’t fucking do this anymore” He did not sound angry, instead he sounded desperate. And it scared you. Could this really be it? Him taking everything back, and nothing really happened?

“Do what, Freddie?” You heard yourself ask. Letting out a deep breath, he kept looking at you.

“Denying how I feel…about you” You stood up the moment you heard it. A “what?” left your lips inaudibly involuntarily. To which he nodded to.

“All that I said about you before…I wasn’t lying” he said, pointing at you with his index finger, “You…you are different. Something about you I just…can’t fucking put my finger on. I can’t fucking believe you are even from the same family as them” he scoffed, “And after that night…” his eyes turned intoxicated, as if he relived that moment in his head, “Y/N…” he breathed, taking few steps closer:

“I’m crazy about you” He said, his voice desperately soft.

With a dropped jaw, and with your hand clutching your chest, you wondered if there was any trace of breath left in your body.

“Freddie …I…” you began. Closing his eyes with frustration, he covered his face. “If you’re going to refuse, then-”

“Who said that?”

Taking his hands off his face, he looked at you with shock upon hearing your response. You walked to him, finally standing only a few inches away. Looking down, you held your own hands as you spoke:

“I’m sorry…for pushing you away from the start. For breaking your heart every… single …time. It’s just…It seemed so wrong, you have to understand.” Looking up you scoffed, “This is fucking crazy. This is fucked up. And I was worried whether this was all just a game to you” you said, “But…” your voice grew soft, “…after everything, after that night, when you rescued me, when you…” you paused, shuddered by thought of him inside you, “I just had it.” You said, “No more silent suffering…” you added, reaching out to take his hand. Finally holding it with consciousness, it felt nice in yours. Looking at it, you traced your manicured fingers over his new scar, reminding you of the fresh cut during family dinner, “I wanted you ever since I was a little girl…” looking up, “…and I want you even still…No! Even more than that. I-”

“I love you…”

Your eyes widened. Averting his eyes, he admitted it shyly in a low voice. It was simply unbelievable. The one line you wanted to hear from him, all your life. And there it finally was. Happiness bloomed out of every cell of your body.

In response, all you could do was to bend your head, and kiss his scar with the purest affection. Looking up at him, you smiled fully:

“I love you too”

Seeing your sunshine of a smile, Freddie could not help but smile in return. With noses brushing against one another, patience was nonexistent as you both went in for a kiss.

The last time you kissed Freddie Jackson, you kissed him with heart, but it did not have enough of the heart you had at this moment. With both parties finally making their declarations, all was finally out in the open. It felt right. It felt perfect. And it was more passionate than ever before. With your arms around his neck, you pulled him in, helping him rest his hands comfortably on your waist. Along with the expressive kisses, came in the lust without hesitation. He surprised you with his eager tongue begging for entrance to meet yours. You permitted it instantly, moaning into the kiss as you felt the tongues intertwine, deepening the affectionate ritual. Your moans intensified when his hands swiftly moved over to cup your buttocks once again.

“Fuckin’ Hell!” He breathed in your lips, “How the fuck did you turn out so beautiful? You’ve really changed so much…oh!” Groaning in frustration, his palms held on to the full curvaceous proportionate posterior you possessed. You smiled in mischief.

“I grew up, you perv” you teased, to which he laughed heartily.

“Come here!” He growled, interrupting your teases by pressing his lips against yours.

With one hand still practically making itself home on your buttocks, the other slithered in front, impatiently trying to pull your tucked in t-shirt out of your jeans. Getting the message, you offered your assistance, taking the shirt off over your head and tossing it aside. When you did it oh so passionately, you saw him stare at you with hunger, with eyes heavily doused with lust. Feeling bolder now, you teased him even further, staring into his eyes, slowly unhooking the lace bra and letting it fall off your frame. Those lustful eyes of his grew bigger. When the man was finally given what he really wanted, how would he act? What would he do? Those were the questions that came to your head as you felt the cool air in the room caressed your exposed torso.

“Ever since that night in the shower, I kept undressing you in my head…” he said, in a deep voice, “But none of that could be compared to this…” he breathed heavily, “This…You…are fucking perfect” he admitted, raising his hands in an instant, but keeping them at bay as he stared at your exposed frame. Taking both his hands, you kept them on your breasts.

“Well, there’s no need to imagine now…”

You purred, opening your mouth in a sultry manner. Growling with frustration, Freddie kissed you violently in response. Finally, you felt a sense of satisfaction with his hands feeling you at a place that craved for his touch. Your heaving breasts, they fitted in his hands so perfectly. And regardless of your overwhelming arousal, but just sheer brush pf his palms, you felt your nipples stand upright all the sudden.

As much as you longed to be touched, caressed and teased, another growing desire was reminded. Backing him up, you pushing his lightly, forcing him to fall on to the armchair. He looked genuinely surprised as you got on your knees, and spread his knees wide open in order to get in between to kiss him once again. Your hands grew busy, running them over his thighs, later sneakily rubbing your right palm over his clothed manhood.

“Oh…” Freddie chuckled into the kiss, “Someone’s hungry?…” he purred. “What can I do?” You said, as you unzipped his pants, “You were the tease that night…coming in to piss” you added, making you both chuckle. Finally, you could both laugh about that night instead of dreading. You only wanted good memories. Especially when it came to memories with him.

Taking your sweet, sweet time, you gently pulled out his erect shaft, that sprung out from his underwear with ease. You stared at it with hunger, you took in every inch of it with your eyes, letting your nimble fingers hold it and run over it like it was most precious object. Freddie moaned in a manner that made you weak.

“Fuck…” he said, “I love this view…” he looked proud, as he watched you. Pleased with the result, you flashed a naughty smile.

“Word on the street is that you’ve been working hard” you purred, licking your lips with a genuine appetite, “I think it’s time you’re…appreciated”

As he threw his head back on the armchair, moans escaped Freddie’s lips. They escaped when he felt your tongue take its own journey. When it showed affection with every lick, leaving no inch unattended. When your mouth fully proceeded to take him in whole, indulging him into completion, until he finally ran out of words.


	8. The Effect

With the door properly locked, a sudden urge came over you. Stripping down, you stood in front of the mirror completely naked. This was nothing new. You remember doing the same a few months ago. The last time, you acted on this to prove yourself a point. Several points, to be specific. You wanted to prove the change you had undergone from a girl to a woman. You wanted to prove the denial of feelings that were unwanted and forbidden, giving yourself any reason to forget them.

But this time, you acted on this to celebrate.

The average person might consider this as a way to reconnect with one’s body. But what you did was different. For you just wanted to celebrate the change.

You were not in denial of those feelings, instead you were aware and proud of them. In fact, you were confident, and most of all, you’ve never felt sexier. As you eyes traveled across every inch of the reflection of your body, you just could not believe. Could not believe he laid his eyes on them, could not believe his hands had touched, his lips had tasted. All those blessings were completely unfathomable. You had changed, evolved in to a better version of yourself. And you were glad because finally, your wish had come true.

You had won in love.

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_**( One month later)** _

Family Dinner. It was that time. A tradition that would be carried out frequently, suddenly broke its cycle for the first time, delaying it for almost a month. But there were valid reasons, like Maggie and Jimmy finally moving to their own place for example. Nevertheless, it was lovely for all to get together after quite some time.

You managed to bring in the biggest surprise, by going through the biggest change. It was not intentional, for it just happened. The one who longed to fade into the background, had grown the most proactive.

Cooking had become a new hobby and the kitchen was a place of peace, that you grew confident in feeding others. So much so you offered to cook for the entire evening, giving your mother some time off to sit back and unwind with a glass of wine, until the rest arrived. Your change was practically announced by your welcoming greeting of a voice the moment they entered the house.

“Y/N…this is all so delicious! I’m impressed” With food still in her mouth, Maggie managed to deliver that line so perfectly. And given the looks of the others, including the children, it was safe to say that all agreed. You smiled brightly.

“Thank you,Mags”

Lena Summers turned to her eldest daughter. “Jackie darling… could you please ask your sister what’s going on with her?” She said cheerfully, her face red as she held on to her glass of wine, “Cause whenever I would…she would just change the conversation”

As a mother, Lena had a point. The change was evident and incomprehensible. Tonight you were chattier, you were helpful, enthusiastic about every damned, thing that was discussed. You were even keen on what the children talked about. And moreover, the huge smile that adorned your face could not be wiped off throughout the entire time. But this phenomena, it was not limited to just today. You had been this way for a while. Smiling to oneself, a musical tune would always linger in your lips while a skip would stick in your step. And your eyes, the light that made them both shine, had an origin no one could pinpoint by yourself.

Jackie, however seemed not so convinced. With a cold smile, she looked at you. “Actually I wanted to ask her that myself…” she said, “What is going on with you?”

Guessing from her tone, it was very much clear she did not believe what she saw. Nor was she pleased. Why? You did not know. And frankly you did not care.

“Well…I guess I’m just…” You began, “I finally found the way to be happy with myself-”

“That’s not true…” Jackie cut in to your surprise, “I’m your sister and I know you’ve never been an unhappy child to finally be happy” she added in a rather snarky tone, the gold bracelets on her wrists clashed while she pointed her fork at you, “But this is just quite unexpected…so what is it?” She repeated the question, “You found someone new, maybe?” She asked, wearing a mischievous smile.

“Oh…” Maggie and Jimmy could not help but utter together. You looked down shyly. “Oh I rather not say” you said, chuckling. “Why not?” Jackie asked persistently. “Well… “ The moment you put your fork down, all were silenced, “…suppose I say that I am in love…suppose I am…” you paused, suddenly lost in your thoughts with a smile, “…suppose I am..so very deeply.” Your voice laced with affection,“It’s just that the last time didn’t really work out…so maybe it’s best if I keep my mouth shut this time until I’m sure if er…this gets serious or not” you said. “Oh I agree, smart one Y/N…” Jimmy called out. Looking at him, you nodded. “Thanks, Jimmy” “But isn’t this wonderful? Y/N is in love” Maggie’s heartfelt tone made you laugh, as you picked up your fork again.

But yes, they were right. You really were in love. And you were indulging the honeymoon phase of your relationship, a phase you hoped would never end. For you treasured this relationship. The relationship with the irresistible man who sat across you at the table, next to your sister. A wonderful, yet secret relationship with Freddie Jackson.

Being a secret, the obstacles to overcome were many. The meeting place for example.

The Rose Gardens Hotel, the place that started it all, became the default location for the lovers. It was your home away from home. A quaint space for the two of you, to be free in love, and free to love. To love fearlessly and passionately.

On some weeks, the days were fixed along with the time, mostly being the afternoons. But some weeks it would change. No matter when, it was made sure it was all unsuspecting and safe. And all everyone knew was that you were at lectures, and he was carrying out business.

Freddie was no fool, and so were you. To be suspected by anyone was a huge risk to take. In order to not cause any suspicion or accidental screwups, you showed little to no indication of your interest to each other at home. You made it quite convincing. So convincing it made the both of you laugh so hard.

When hotel rendezvous were null and void, when chance to make passionate love was not offered, fooling around would be the only option. And you both were willing takers. For even the slightest grope, fondle, grind or any other form of foreplay still satisfied the hunger for one another. Initially you were concerned whether Freddie would be contented by that. But to your surprise he was. This astounded you.

Fooling around, it would occur in the most unexpected of times, meaning every day was indeed a surprise, or an adventure.

There was a reason for your heart to skip a beat, or butterflies to fill in your stomach whenever you’d find Freddie drive by in your neighborhood, offering to drop you off to lectures. And, instead of actually going to lectures, You would end up in the suburbs, stopping by somewhere, where it was just the two of you. At the comfort of his car, in quiet seclusion.

The car was a witness many romantic escapades. Some of them would be when you would please him. Nestled in between his thighs below the carseat, you would taste him for as long as you wished. No one was there to judge. All the while his hands held you by the hair, displaying his approval and satisfaction, while proving more arousal. The other days would be when Freddie takes his turn to pleasure you. Having you sit on his lap, with your back pressed against his chest, was what he preferred. It made quite sense, especially when you curvaceous buttocks rested on his clothed manhood throughout the entire time. It would start out as innocence as you resting against him, indulging the beautiful view of what nature had presented to you. And then it would playfully proceed as to you watching his hand cleverly slither inside your thin sweater, just so he could fondle your eager breasts one at a time, just so he could marvel at their softness. It would get more heated, when you watch him wet his fingers with his own saliva, before encircling your nipples with moist, playfully pulling them to make them erect. Just when you thought things were heated already, he would take another step further, letting his other envious hand take the stage. He’d let you suck his digits, before digging into your skirt to caress and massage your wet slit, inserting them with ease soon after.

This also, was done in his own leisure, forcing you to grip his hair or even the leather seat until you’ve finally reached your peak. He even had the audacity to let you taste yourself in his fingers. All this while you savored the sweet nothings he muttered in your ear.

The physical pleasure was exciting, yes. But you were even more stimulated by the emotional connection you managed to form with him. Wherever you would meet and whatever you would do together, conversations would always take place somehow. The rush from genuine interest with talking and mutual listening was incomparable. With your enthusiasm shown, he was more than happy open up. Whatever the good or the bad, you listened to him. And with your indirect influence, Freddie clearly had evolved more as a gangster, being more careful, less reckless and clear headed enough to take in more responsibility and win the respect or many and be feared by many as well.

Picking on the piece of meat on your plate, you returned from your thoughts, “Yeah well…” you said, “…all I want is to find love as great what Maggie and Jackie has” you looked at your sisters. While Maggie beamed, Jackie smiled with pride.

“Yeah. She will, right babe?” She said, looking over at Freddie. Flashing his signature smile, he nodded enthusiastically as expected.

“Of course she will” he said.

Pulling her husband by the hand, Jackie kept her gaze on you while she leaned to kiss Freddie. Except he did not. Swiftly moving to the side, he rested his lips on her cheek instead. And he did that on purpose. Nodding, you looked down to resume eating. And you could not help but smile. That kiss, it was meant to say something. For that was him, pledging his loyalty to you in public. His very own symbol that his lips were yours from here onwards.

Why did it suddenly feel like there was a game between you and your sister? And you were the only one who knew? And which game you were not sure. Was it for winning his affections? Or succeeding in turning him loyal to one woman? And why did it feel like you won them all?

You could go down that path if you wanted to. The path to feeling pity, feeling guilty. For this was ethically wrong in so many levels. But you chose not to.

Because finally, you were truly happy. Because finally, you were in love the way you wanted to be. That passionate love that excited you. And it didn’t hurt anyone.You made sure of it.

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_**(4 days later)** _

“Ah! Yes…Oh!!! Fuck yes!”

The room at the Rose Gardens Hotel brimmed with the cries of your pleasure. One those rendezvous again between the secret lovers. And given the time, it was an afternoon delight as always. Except this time, Freddie had special privilege in the ‘tasting’ of the sweet dessert.

Your body, it writhed. Your hips rolled forwards and backwards in a steady rhythm. All the while you remained comfortably seated in bed, with Freddie’s face in between your luscious thighs. Sitting on one’s lover’s face had been a fantasy of yours, and here you were living it while he fed on you. Your long loose tresses moved gracefully when you threw your head back, maintaining the rhythm whilst being controlled by his hungry tongue that explored your most sacred place. Playing with your breasts, you made sure the buds were teased and stimulated the way he would always do, which sent you through the pathway to heaven. Your naked body glistened with sweat, making you look more attractive and convincing than any random actress in any erotic film. And what everything better were the delicious sounds that exited his lips whilst he savored you.

“Yes…that’s it. There’s the spot, Freddie!” You moaned, “I’m almost there…ah!”

Finally reaching the destination, You cried out as the climactic juices flowed out of you. You wanted to get up as quickly as you could, in order to avoid the mess in his face, but you could even consider that, you gasped as his tongue lapped up and licked all the remaining juices, until you were completely dry.All because he was famished for you. Literally. As much as he enjoyed tasting your food, nothing could be compared to the sweet taste of your own body. ‘Your little cupcake’ as he called it. Thinking about it for 4 days with waiting impatiently, he certainly was famished.

A few minutes later, Freddie came out of the shower. When he did, he found you sitting on the bed still naked. Leaning against the headboard, you stared at your wristwatch with a thoughtful expression. For suddenly you did not feel good. The more you analyzed it, you realized you were sad about something. And soon afterwards, you realized why. You sighed heavily.

“Why so quiet, babe?” Freddie’s voice reached your ears. Eyes still on the watch, you answered by shaking your head.

“Nothing…just”

“Awww come on!!…Freddie knows that’s a load of porky” You felt the bed shake slightly when Freddie landed on it next to you, “You can tell me…” he said. The moment you finally looked over at him, you were greeted with a gentle kiss. Kisses from his luscious lips were always lovely, you randomly thought. But that thought suddenly disappeared when you noticed what he was wearing.

“You’re wearing a bathrobe…” you muttered with raised eyebrows, “…you look different” you said with a questionable look. “Yeah? You mean like fancy different?” He asked with interest, showing himself off proudly, “ Don’t I look fucking regal? ”

You could not help but laugh at that. Freddie took your hand.

“Now come on… don’t change the subject” He said, using his convincing tone. Taking a deep breath, you decided it was better to just vent.

“I…I found out my grades this semester have gone bad.” You muttered shyly, “I’ve fallen so much behind”

It was true. Ever since this relationship came into being, you developed the tendency to skip classes more than usual in order to meet Freddie. And since the meetups increased than expected, your attendance rate was greatly affected. Which resulted in your lack of attention to the lessons and assignments. At the beginning you thought it wont be much of a problem and making up for it would be easy. But it was not as easy it sounded.

“Those fuckin’ wankers…” Freddie muttered, to which you shook your head frantically, while your hands played with the knot of his robe. “Freddie! It’s no one’s fault but mine…” You began, casually loosening the knot to open his robe. Fresh from the shower, his skin smelled like refreshing shower gel, “But…I know this is the only time we can meet.” You continued, as your fingers ran over the tattoos on his chest, “And I love this…” you said softly, bending down to kiss them, then looking up at him, “I love you.” You breathed devotedly, “And I don’t you want to get in trouble by forcing you to meet me at another time” you said affectionately, curling yourself next to him. 

“Well…” Freddie began, eyes half closed from indulging the kisses you placed on his abdomen, “…can’t you get the notes from any of your mates?”

Moving away, your jaw dropped with disbelief.

“Wow! You really don’t remember why, do you?”You scoffed with disappointment.

Because you remembered. It was one particular day when Freddie managed to drop you off to University after a quick session of fooling around. Gilbert Brown, one of the most studious students in your class had promised to lend you his notes. And keeping his word, he stood there outside the lecture building with the notes you needed. Moved by his kindness, you could not help but hug him with such gratitude. But as you closed the door behind you in the building, your eyes caught the of Freddie making conversation with your classmate. It seemed that he had whispered something to the young man’s ear, all the while he held on to his head violently. Ever since then, Gilbert never spoke to you again.

However, Freddie did not see the severity of your problem. For he has his own. “I didn’t like the way that bugger touched you” he growled softly. You clicked your tongue. “It was just a hug, Freddie. It’s not a big deal” “Well it is for me” he replied tad harshly.

During this relationship, the more you learnt about Freddie Jackson, the more you realized how jealousy ate him whole. The fire burnt in his eyes as he said those words. Sensing the anger in him, you grew a bit intimidated. Sensing your fear, his eyes suddenly grew softer.

“Y/N…” He began softly, surprising you as he hovered over you, “You don’t know how fuckin special you are…” the manner his voice evolved into a seductive one, made you gulp,“You’re like crack…” he went on, lifting a finger “You’re fuckin… addictive… and like no… other” just so he could gingerly run it over your rib cage, drawing little circles down your stomach, as you gasped softly “And the thought of other men realizing what a keeper you are…just…ah!”

He grunted all the sudden, when you finally realized how his hand left your body, only to feel his own manhood. With his eyes never leaving you, his hand worked on himself until he was hard.

How he spoke of you, how he revered you, it was clearly your weakness. Freddie Jackson had his way with words. And you were a victim. His desire for you had crossed many lines and his jealousy was evident. The level of how much he wanted you did not make you angry, instead it made you powerful. But more importantly, you were aroused beyond all measure. The dampened slit was proof enough. Spreading your legs wide open, you cupped his face, lust burning in your eyes.

“Fuck me…” you breathed.

And just like that, no more words were necessary for him to proceed.

You tasted his hungry kiss, crying out loud when you felt your inner walls fill up as he entered you with haste. He was particularly rough, moving faster than usual but he was fully aroused. Thus, the bed creaked louder as you moved along with it. Your ample breasts in turn bounced in effect. catching Freddie’s attention in an instant. Maintaining speed, his mouth latched onto the erect nipples, suckling on them hard for he could not resist.

“Ah yes…harder…ah!” Free to vocalize to your pleasure, you moaned out loud as he kept moving. You always welcomed him inside you, and loving him was never a burden. And both of your utmost satisfaction, release was met, the conflict was forgotten, and you rested for the rest of the day as you could not walk afterwards.

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_**(The next day)** _

Stepping out of the Lecture Building, you never felt more confused. You missed the good old times. The times when you were always ahead of lesson, well prepared with everything and anything. You missed being in control of this aspect of your life.

Walking back to carry out some errands, you began to debate with yourself on getting your studies on track. Would the library be resourceful enough? Or online courses? Before you could make a decision, you felt someone tap you on the shoulder. Turning quickly, you sighed in relief to find Marcus behind you.

“Hey!” You said with genuine surprise, to which he nodded with a small smile. “Where you off to?” He asked softly. “The Chemist…need to get some vitamins” “Oh! I’ll walk with you then” “Thanks…”

Walking together, you breathed in the comfortable silence shared. Looking over at him, you sensed a different energy. He did not look happy as he usually would. Since you both had different classes, the thought of meeting him had slipped off your mind completely. You felt guilty. You missed him. It had been a while since you saw your friends.

“We rarely see you around, you know” He began, when you both entered the Chemist Shop, “Is something wrong?”

With all that happened recently, you did not know what to disclose and what not to . You pressed your lips together, “Uh…you know. Stuff…” Your answer was ambiguous. Awkward silence filled as the two of you walked along the aisles. Chuckling, you were in dire need of a segue.

“Can you believe I can’t get anyone to lend me their notes from class?” You scoffed, eyeing the bottles of Vitamins, “Me… of all people…ha!” But Marcus did not answer nor express his surprise. Except he just stared at one of the bottles of pills. “Y/N…” he began, with his hands deep in his pockets, “I don’t know if you know this but…there’s a story going around about you” “What story?” “People they… they keep saying that blokes can’t talk to you or be associated with you anymore cause this gangster keeps showing up, threatening them not to. I saw him once…” Marcus continued, “Wasn’t that Freddie?”

You froze. You knew it. His actions certainly had brought forth noticeable consequences. So this was what his actions have brought upon you. No wonder nobody wanted to lend you notes. They were frightened of you.

“I mean…Why would your brother-in-law be so protective of you?” Marcus asked, unable to comprehend the situation. And frankly, so did you. “Oh you don’t know Freddie…” you chuckled nervously, avoiding the question at all costs, ,“He’s like this with all the women in the family” “Well I haven’t seen him do this before…” He snapped, which drove you to the edge. “Marcus! What do you want me to say? What do you expect me to do?? HUH?” Panting, you realized how loud and angry you sounded. Taken back by your reaction, Marcus looked disappointed.

“Are we not friends? Why can’t you tell us?” He said, his voice laced with sadness, “You really have changed, Y/N…” he murmured, “Heath was right…You barely see us anymore” Realizing the weight of your actions, you felt your heart break and you wanted it to stop. “Marcus please-” “No…” he cut you off firmly, “Call me when you finally figured out what’s going with you…”He said as he took his queue to leave, “or else don’t…”

Watching him walk out of the store, You sighed heavily, feeling shittier than you felt earlier. He was right, you have been a terrible friend. Barely seeing your friends, or calling them. As if they were suddenly wiped out of your interests at heart. Without even picking the bottle of vitamin pills you needed, you found yourself walking around the store. An empty feeling came over you. First studies, now your friends. Why was everything you had a firm hold on were slipping away from your grasp. As you kept walking, you caught the sight of one particular aisle.

Halting in your tracks, your eyes widened as you clutched your chest with shock.

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Your heart was beating so fast, you felt in your mouth. Exiting the store, you walked out with haste until you ended up speed walking. When that was deemed slow, you decided to run. The plastic bag floated up high as it hung on to your hand. You just wanted to get home.

Too long. It had been too long. And you did not even notice? How could you be so careless?

You ran so fast, anyone who passed by seemed irrelevant. Even storming into the house, you barely acknowledged your mother as you darted towards the bathroom.

“Having a bad stomach, love?” Lena Summers cried out from the kitchen. “Yes mum!” Answering back, you slammed the bathroom shut, locking it afterwards.

Exhaling deeply, you leaned against the door. The thought of this happening to you was simply unfathomable. You closed your eyes, as you began counting something using you fingers. But no matter how many times you tried, you were not relieved with the answer. Impatient beyond your control, you took the small box out of the plastic bag. You teared it open, to have the small yet long stick land on your palm.

Taking a deep breath for the better or for worse, you decided to get on with the next stage.

“Please say no …please say no”

Muttering to yourself like a prayer, the bare of your thighs felt the cool toilet seat as you began to pee into the pregnancy test stick. You shuddered. Was this another part of being responsible? You could not recall the last time you had your period, and glancing upon the aisle of sanitary napkins and tampons sudden forced you to skyrocket back to reality. You did not even stand up, you just kept sitting there, your panties still bunched around your knees. As the one minute went painfully slow, all you could do was to repeat your prayer with desperation.

“Please say no …please say no” Until you finally decided to take a look.

As your eyes widened, as your breath left your body, it felt as a vital part of you just burnt in smithereens in an instant, leaving nothing but the ashes behind you.

For your prayers, there were not answered. They were definitely not answered.


	9. The Reveal

Sitting on the bathroom floor, you kept staring at it. The bitter truth you could not avoid. You blinked enough times, hoping to see this was all just a mere illusion. But it was not.

You were pregnant. You were with child.

Finally, you were aware of what emptiness tasted like. The whole world was at the near grips of crumbling down, where all forms of dreams and hopes were about to be crushed. This was never in your agenda to begin with. Pregnancy was never supposed to arrive at a time when you least expected it. You did not want it to be bad news. You wanted to look forward to it. Only at the right time. When you were properly married and ready. Not like this.

And with that cruel realization, your body started to panic. Your breathing quickened whilst your heart beat increased. What were you to do? Who could you confide this in? For the first time, you had never felt so alone.

Another horrible query dawned on you. Freddie. Oh god, what would Freddie say? How on earth could you even reveal this to him? Salty tears ran down your cheeks so quickly as your shoulders began to shake. Fully overwhelmed and afraid, you cried. But quietly.

A few minutes later, you were drained to the core. But at the same, your sanity returned to you. And that was when you knew, the only way to make any further decision was to get professional advice.

And just like that, you retouched your makeup, and went to see a doctor.

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**_(Two days later)_ **

Amusing how the previous Family Dinner was something you looked forward to, for this time you did not to the slightest. This emotional rollercoaster did not seem favorable to your health. You longed for some peace in the end of the day. But for the moment, social gatherings did not seem ideal for your state of mind.

You attempted your hardest to maintain the mood as last time, but the attempts seem moot. For all you were tempted to do was nothing. Fortunately, your mother decided to help you with the dinner preparations so all hope was not lost.

Yet you had to wear that enthusiastic smile, like a mask.

“Is Freddie not coming today, Jacks?” Maggie asked her sister casually at the dinner table. Whilst barely chewing the food, your eyes turned to them with attention. You noticed his absence from the start of the evening itself, yet the nervous thought of seeing him distracted you.

“He’s taking care of some stuff.” Jimmy answered, right before Jackie could even start. And given her look of embarrassment, it was evident she clearly did not know the reason for her own husband’s absence. Her recent behavior and the increasing usage of pills implied enough: she definitely was not happy with Freddie, and neither was he.

The bell rang, making you get up in an instant.

“It must be the delivery…” You said, abruptly leaving the dinning room. Your mother had ordered some wine from the bar, only it came in last minute.

“Thanks, Jim. Goodnight” Waving to the deliveryman, you struggled with the two bottles and change money. Pushing the door slowly, you moved towards the living room table. With the two bottles safely on the coffee table, you put the change in the pocket of your jeans.

“You ought to be more careful closing the door”

A familiar voice tickled your ear, making you gasp as you turned back. Before you could even greet him, Freddie Jackson attacked you with a hungry kiss.

With lips still intact, you felt yourself being pulled into the bathroom nearby. Closing the door, his desperation was evident with his passionate kisses.

“Fuck! I missed you…” he breathed into your lips. Spinning you around, he held you against him, both facing the mirror over the sink top, as he began to grind. He held you tightly by the waist, rolling his hips against yours, making sure his manhood brushed over your buttocks. It was true. Ever since you found out of the big news, you had been avoiding Freddie for the last few days. Even when a rendezvous was planned, you skipped it with intention.

With your hands resting on the sink, you kept quiet. No matter how much pleasure you could be receiving right now, you did not have the heart to utter a single word. And truthfully, your face wasn’t helping either. Cold and concerned, it finally got through to Freddie. The moment he noticed it, he stopped.

“Babe, you alright?” Nervous, you barely looked at his reflection. With your lips pressed together, you barely answered. Concerned, he wrapped his hands around you, nestling his face on your neck as his voice grew soft.

“You being quiet is not normal, cupcake” he said, “Come on…what is it?” He purred, “How’s my girl feeling?” He said, in an attempt to calm you down.

Freddie Jackson’s way of calming you down was quite the opposite of what any other normal person would do. He knew sensual care would do the trick, the more you were cared for, you’ll be aroused but also honest. And that was what he strived for. He kissed the most intimate areas of your neck. He unhooked your bra to relieve some tension of your body. His hands traveled under your shirt, digging under your loosened undergarment to allow his callused thumbs run over your breasts. Because that what you liked, and he knew it well. As much as your body managed to respond with goosebumps or erect nipples, your heart was not ready to disclose anything. How could you? Were you ready to spill the beans, just so you could see his look of disgust or disappointment, and have him leave you? Your eyes kept looking at the door nervously.

“Oh I know whats going”

When Freddie spoke, you stared at him bated breath. What could he possibly know? “You’re uncomfortable with everyone here, right?…” he said, “Worried we might get caught, yeah?” He added with a mischievous smile. Sighing softly, you gave a tight smile to cover up everything, yet no answer. But Freddie did not mind. Instead he was just impressed.

“Good girl, not even talking…commitment innit? ” he said, giving a light smack on your buttocks, “Alright…” he said, as he opened the door, “ I’ll catch you later…cupcake” he winked.

Closing the door with the lock, you quickly sat on the closed toilet. Close call, you thought. But you did not like it. Being so secretive with Freddie was not your intention. It made you sick. You loathed being disloyal to him. This was unavoidable. You had to tell him soon. Taking a deep breath, you decided to go for it.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**_(Two days later)_ **

The second hand on the clock was loud enough, you knew how quiet everything else was. Your hands were clasped together as you sat on the side of the bed, waiting. When Freddie decided on the next rendezvous, you did not hesitate to accept. You even arrived at the Rose Gardens Hotel much earlier than planned, finding enough time to gather your thoughts and courage to face him. Your flow of thinking suddenly made a halt when the door opened. Looking up you saw Freddie was standing there, watching you. Lust brimmed from him. Understandable, give his frustration of not being with you for a considerable number of days.

“Well well…look what we have here?” He purred “Someone’s early”.

You sat up, and you watched him, walking towards you. Smiling shyly was all you could do when he stood right in front you. Fingers resting on your head, he slowly undid your ponytail, pulling out your loose wavy hair, letting the fingers entangle around your locks.

Truthfully, you missed his touch. to be honest. But the stress you underwent overpowered you. Taking your hand, he pulled you up to stand.

“Now that’s a pretty dress you’re wearing, Cupcake…” He muttered. His eyes washed over your short white dress with black polkadots. With the buttons in the front and the length reaching only up to the end of your buttocks, it was quite a ravishing sight for him. You felt his hands move from your shoulders down your back, finally resting on your posterior, cupping the buttocks tight. He groaned, closing his eyes to savor it. His lips grew closer to yours in the process. Except for the first time ever, you pushed him away. “Freddie…I…” you paused, “I need to talk to you” Confused, he nodded, “Yeah sure…” Holding his hand, you pulled him over to sit next to you on the bed. You had to do this. For it was vital. “What’s the matter, babe?” Freddie asked. You exhaled deeply. You really could not believe you were finally about to reveal this. “Do you love me?” You asked. It made him raise his eyebrows. “What?” “It’s a simple question Freddie…” you chuckled, “Do you love me?” “Of course I do, babe” He said without any hesitation “I love you…” “Do you love me regardless of whatever might happen?” You asked, as nerves built up even more. “Yeah I do” “Cause if you don’t, then I understand…it’s perfectly fine-” “Babe, what the bloody hell is going on-” “I’m pregnant” And finally, Freddie quietened.

You said it. You said it at last. Speechless. He was speechless. Regardless of what he might say, you told yourself you could handle it. If not happy, you could always get rid of it. You were early enough to do so anyways. But the fact he did not respond yet, it killed you.

“You’re sure?” He finally spoke in a low voice, still surprised. “Yeah…the doctor confirmed it” You replied softly. You watched him slowly nod. Only you blinked twice to see a soft smile emerging from him. “Fuckin’ hell…” his lips curling up into a smile, “This is wonderful” Your eyes widened. “Really?” “It’s bloody brilliant” He said joyfully, voice filled with emotion. He said it as if he just heard the best news ever, “Y/N…” he said, clapping his hands, “We’re gonna have a fuckin’ baby” This all felt unbelievable, even when he pulled you into an embrace. He held you so tight, you felt his heartbeat, “Oh this is just great news…I’m so happy” he continued, “Oh! imagine how bloody adorable our baby’s gonna be?” He said as he looked at you. “Our baby?” You asked, surprised. Freddie nodded, putting one hand over your belly. “Yes, Our baby…” That afternoon, there was no sex. But it was certainly better. You were relieved beyond all measure. Laying together in bed, you stayed in his loving arms, enjoying his warm forehead kisses. Safe, you felt safe once again. But like clockwork, a dark cloud came over your sense of happiness, making you sit up with concern. “But…” you began, “...this doesn’t make things easy for us, you know?” “What do you mean?” Freddie asked, sitting up. You sighed. “What we have, this relationship…no one knows about it. It’s a Secret” You continued, “You’re married. And worst of all, you’re married to my sister-” “Who I don’t fuckin love anymore” he insisted, in hopes to make you feel better. “Still…it’s not easy” you said worriedly, “I’m scared Freddie” “Hey Hey…” pulling you to another embrace, he comforted you, “I’ll be here. I promise you that” he murmured ,stroking your head, “Freddie will figure something out.” Cupping your face, his gaze held you so sharply, “All I want you to remember is that…I love you, Y/N” Your eyes welled up with tears. It couldn’t be helped. You were moved to the point your lips quivered. The assurance was certainly comforting.

“I love you too” 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_**(4 days later)** _

Freddie Jackson was indeed a piece of work. As promised, he actually figured it out. Part of it at least. Amidst the sounds of the cutlery, plates and conversation in the Family Dinner the following week, you cleared your throat. 

“Everyone…I uh…have an announcement to make…” You said. Suddenly all grew quiet. Unaware of what you were about to say, most of them looked positively uninterested.

“Um…I decided to move out” Finally, uninteresting was not the case anymore. Eyes were widened, they indicated surprise. All except Freddie’s.

“What? You’re moving out?” Lena asked. To which you nodded. “Yeah...me and a few mates decided to move together…” you said. “Why?” “Because It’s easier for me that way. With university and everything. Besides, I’m not a kid anymore” You lied, you lied outright with no shame. But you were right about one thing: you were not a kid anymore. You were a responsible adult. A responsible adult moving out to hide one’s pregnancy. Awkward silence filled the room. “So…Who’s going to live there?” Maggie began to speak. You shrugged your shoulders. “Oh..just me and a few girls …” you replied. Lies. It was just going to be you. “Did you all already find a place?” “Yes Jimmy, one of the girls already found a place” More lies. It was Freddie who managed to find the place to his surprising convenience. Perhaps it was the manner you announced it, perhaps it was the volume of your voice. But nevertheless, everyone did nothing but merely nod in acknowledgement. It seemed that you moving out was never expected.

“I know this is all very sudden but…” you said, “I think it’s the right decision”

Silence only meant agreement here. And finally, you were free. Truthfully you did not care for what the others thought of this. Just announcing this and making it known was enough for you. Accidentally catching Freddie’s eye, you watched him wink at you. Responding with a soft smile, you exhaled deeply. Grateful you were indeed for him, finding a place like that. Far away from the family, it was just the perfect place for both of you to get away from all this. Relief washing over oneself, you recovered your appetite instantly.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**_(4 days later)_ **

“A pint of Lager for you, Y/N?” JImmy’s enthusiastic voice woke you from your pondering. Chuckling nervously, you shook your head. “No thanks, Jimmy” you said shyly, “Long night tonight…” “Alright…then I’ll get you a coke” with no judgment, he rushed over to the fetch the drinks. “Thanks” You said, sighing with relief. You were more than surprised when both Maggie and Jackie asked you to join them and their significant others for drinks one evening. If only this could have happened before nature prohibited you to drink cause of your unborn child. But that was only for you to know. Being quiet at the bar was usually not your style. But that was your mode tonight. Not because you disliked the company, you were just fatigued. Whilst sipping your coke, you carefully observed the two couples interacting. The energies exuded from the two groups felt polar opposite. Warmth, that was your impression of Maggie and Jimmy. Rife with positive energy, pure and wholesome, they smiled with every inch of their bodies, they talked with passion, they had dreams and it showed in their eyes. On the contrary, you could sense nothing but Chill from Jackie and Freddie. Distant, inattentive, they were the symbol of two individuals who have given up on love, given up on trying to fight for one another. The thought of a life for yourself made you concerned. Looking at Freddie, all you hoped for was a life where nothing close that even could crawl over. You would never give up on him. You just hoped he would not give up on you as well. Suddenly, nature called. “Excuse me...Off to the loo” You said, getting up with a smile. “Oh...I’ll join you” Maggie suddenly said. “Me too...” So did Jackie. Your eyebrows furrowed with confusion. “Alright...” you muttered, as they eagerly followed you to the restroom. Something seemed strange and you certainly did not seem right. As soon as Jackie locked the restroom door, you knew your intuition was accurate. Standing next to each other, the sisters faced you as if a fight was to take place. “Alright Y/N...” Maggie began, to you surprisingly chuckled. “I knew you two didn’t have to tinkle” you said, pointing at them. Jackie scoffed, folding her arms. “Of course…”she said, “We were trying to get you alone”. Her face growing even more serious, Maggie’s eyes did not blink. “What’s going on?” She asked. “What do you mean?” You asked back, before anyone could answer you changed your mind, “Nothing!” You added. “I found a pregnancy test in your room” Maggie said. You quietened. Feeling sentimental by the discovery, you decided to keep the test stick in your cupboard. So anyone snooping in your room would obviously find it. Yet, you were shocked. Could she be knowing more? “Why...why would you even go there??” You snapped in anger. “Does that really matter,Y/N?” Jackie said, raising her eyebrows. Coming closer to you, Maggie held your hand. “Y/N...” she began, “Are you pregnant?” Looking at her, you knew you had to be mature. Handling this with little damage was key. You took a deep breath, before nodding reluctantly. They knew, but the fact you finally admitted just made it all seem very real. And they seemed to have difficulty accepting it. Their reactions may not have been loud, but they were affected. “Who’s the father?” Jackie asked a few seconds later. She gasped, “Is it Marcus?” “I...rather not say” You replied nervously. Truthfully she would be the last person you would disclose the truth. As their reactions were silent and lengthy, you grew desperate. What were they thinking about? “Please...” Clasping your hands together, you begged,“...don’t make a big deal about this...” You continued with desperation, “the father knows and we decided to keep it” You added, “so it’s all good. It’s actually...one of the main reasons I’m moving out” you finally admitted quietly. Attempting to process the news, the sisters kept their composure. “I never imagined you having a baby so soon” Maggie said. You could not agree more. “This is so sudden” Jackie added, worried for you. “Yeah ...“ you added, “…but I’m actually excited” You said with an involuntary smile. The change in your tone, the hope that glinted in your eyes, they were finally convinced. Along with that came relief. “Awww Y/N...” You were surprised when they both hugged you tightly. Hugging them back, you felt even more relieved. It was true, to have the baby of someone you truly loved, was indeed a blessing for you. “But please don’t tell Mum yet. I’ll let her know in the right time” Your voice was muffled in the midst of their embrace, “Promise Me! Promise!” Pulling away, you begged, looking at both of them. “Don’t worry love, we will be here for you” Jackie surprised you with that comforting phrase. With a pat on the shoulder, she left. Maggie however, walked with you. “Whatever you do..”she said “…don’t let this ruin your life...your education”. You could sense she had high hopes for you. And you adored her more for that. You smiled. “I won’t....”

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As you stirred awake, you turned to the side, sleepily hugging the pillow closer to your body. The fatigue seemed to have lasted throughout the entire night, waking up was difficult. And now you were as exhausted as someone with a horrible hangover. And you did not even touch a drop of alcohol. Reliving the memory of last night, you suddenly found yourself smiling. For there was one moment that you did not want to forget.

The moment you felt nauseous out of the blue. Amidst the loud and entertaining conversations, you needed to throw up fast. Stumbling after excusing yourself, you remembered how you ended up in the back exit instead of the restroom, throwing up on the side. Bile was all that you could taste of yourself as you kept gagging. Throwing up at a bar, nothing suspicious nor outrageous. Yet it could have been comforting to have someone by your side throughout the ordeal. Someone to hold your hair, and calm you down. And the last thing you preferred to do was to burden your sisters again after the last reveal.

As if your prayers were heard, you felt your hair being pulled back. You felt a warm hand rest on your back. Only to find it was Freddie.

Wiping your mouth with one hand, you slowly stood up straight. Your face turned red with embarrassment as he paid close attention to you. “And so… begins the madness”

You said shyly chuckling. He did not laugh, only reached his hand out to place it on your non-existent baby tummy. As much as you liked it, you reluctantly pushed it away, worried someone might see.

“How did you even come h-”

Shushed, you were shushed when he proceeded to place a soft kiss on your forehead. Warmth trickled down your head. Quickly absorbed in to the skin, you felt replenished , you felt cleansed, you felt cared for. Yo felt loved. Amidst all this, he just wanted to make you feel better. 

“Don’t forget that I’m here, babe” he breathed, cupping your face.

Breathing in deeply, you realized he has not smoked today. Only the whiff of his intoxicating cologne had reached your nostrils. Heart beat suddenly increased when your eyes caught his lips moving closer to yours.

“No..I just threw up…” you shyly looked down, as insecurity took over. To which he just chuckled. “Don’t… fucking… care” he said, kissing you softly on the lips. You were always blessed by his lips. And now it really felt like the touch of an angel. Humming, he seemed pleased. “Mmm…I fuckin love your lips” he purred. Pushing him away, you chuckled.

“Stop! someone will see…go inside! will you”

Smiling even though you were half awake, you remembered how he flashed his signature grin before walking back into the bar. You remembered the physical relief you experienced , and was aware of the challenges pregnancy will bring you. 

Regardless, it really was a moment worth remembering. Cuddling the pillow tighter, you thanked the gods for letting Freddie be there by your side to face all obstacles. You were ready for anything. Simply anything.

A thundering knock on the door made fully woke you from your dream state. The knocking was aggressive and desperate. And it did not cease. Concerned, you jumped out of the bed to open.

Only to find it was Maggie.

But you could not sigh in relief, especially when you saw her face. Gaunt and traumatized, her lips remained tightly pressed. Before you open your mouth, she quickly entered the room to lock it tight.

Another obstacle, you thought. But you were ready, you thought.

“Maggie? ” you began, fixing your messy hair, “Are you okay?”

She did not answer. Instead she merely took a few deep breaths. As if trying to gather her thoughts which were scattered everywhere. A few seconds later, she turned to your direction. And it frightened you.

“I’m your sister…right?” she asked. You nodded silently.

“And I think…” taking another breath, she continued heavily, “as your sister…I deserve to know the truth. The truth of what’s really going on…”

Her voice, it was grave. It was low. Speechless, you were on an internal debate on how to proceed.The truth of what? Which lie? You did not know.

“From this minute on…” she said, as her voice broke, “I want to tell me the honest truth. Only the truth, Y/N…”

Impatient, you only grew more frustrated. “Maggie, What tru-”

“Is Freddie…” Maggie paused. With wide eyes and a heart filled with worry, she took a deep breath to finally finish her desperate inquiry

“…is Freddie the father??”

Completely frozen, you suddenly regretted being brave. You wished for a do over, so you could erase all that had happened. For you just did not want to face the consequences.


	10. The Resolution

Whenever you thought the worst already have passed, life never hesitated to prove you wrong entirely. It had happened every single time. And you had never wished for a do-over in life, more than you did this very moment. Still speechless, you stood there with your jaw dropped and motionless.

“Is it true?”

Maggie asked, her fear intensifying by every second, “I saw you two together last night, behind the bar. Please tell me if I just was imagining things…” she said, “Y/N! ANSWER ME!” She bellowed. You jumped out of your state, yet still speechless. “Please don’t tell me Freddie is the father of your child…” your sister said softly, as if she feared even imagining. Until patience was not possible any more, “Y/N PLEASE!” “YES! YES! HE IS….” You shouted back, “HE IS …ALRIGHT?” Both panting, it was realized. That you had finally let it all out. With her body shaking, Maggie raised her hand. “So does that mean…” she began, “..you and Freddie are..?” You nodded, fearful of what was to come. Covering her mouth, your sister’s eyes widened with pure shock. It was the reaction you dreaded. “How…How long?” She asked breathlessly. That was it. You could not do this any further. “Maggie please…” “HOW FUCKING LONG?” She cried out. “A few months!” You answered in desperation. Maggie clutched her chest, just so she could wonder if she was even alive at this point. “My god….” She breathed, “How could you-how could do this, Y/N…” Heavy was your heart, so heavy. You could not take this. “Maggie please-” “How could you do this to us???” She cried out, “To me…To Jackie? Your own sister?? How could y-” “WELL, HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?” You truly surprised yourself when those words exited you like an explosion. Words which were actually your true frustration in disguise. Maggie instantly grew quiet, her eyes were filled with tears. But so were yours. Being the clear winner, you found yourself crying out loud. Landing on your knees, you covered your face as the tears flowed. “You think I didn’t know how wrong this was?” You cried out, “I tried so hard Maggie…But it’s like a fucking spell I couldn’t get away from. I-I-I was mad about him when I was a little girl. But he and Jackie…they got married and everything was fine. I obviously moved on…” your shoulders shook as your tears kept flowing, “But when he came back from prison, something…something just happened between us.” The tears were akin to a waterfall, while your eyes were red. You were such a mess, “Things just escalated and …Oh Maggie! this is wrong I know… I know…But I can’t deny anymore...I love him. I love him so so much. And now with the baby…I just..please…” clasping your hands together, you begged your sister. You begged her for forgiveness.

Lips quivering with emotion, Maggie fully burst in tears, joining you on the ground just so she could hug you tightly.

“I’m screwed up, I know.” You bawled being held in her arms, “But I love him and I love that baby. I don’t want to lose either of them, Maggie…”

“I know…I know…” she replied midst her tears, stroking your head, “Oh Y/N…”

Tears shared provided enough words for the two sisters to calm themselves down. Unsolved yet calm.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_**(5th Week- 11th Week)** _

With Maggie in the picture, with all that was revealed to her, you could certainly admit that everything had changed. Suddenly you felt you were being watched. Even though it was never physically possible for her to do so, your guilt and enabled her to watch you at all times. That day, once tears were fully shed, she did not utter a word. Cleaning up together, it was vital your mother did not find out. With your sister’s silence you were not certain how she will act out. Will she be of support keeping your secret? Or will she be compelled to make a rash decision? You were her sister, but so was Jackie. Where or where would her loyalties lie, you wondered.

You made your best attempt to see less of Freddie. Truthfully it had come to the point you did not see him at all. You would pass up on Family dinners casually with random excuses every time. They were random but convincing. All to keep a low profile. 

Whenever a rendezvous’ were planned, you did not go, but instead left him hang written letters. It had become the only way you chose to communicate with him. He never replied, and it was not expected of him. It was never his to do so anyways. Nevertheless, you informed him of your well being. And you took the chance to explain your absence by suggesting to only see each other once you finally move out. You definitely did not inform him of Maggie’s awareness, for you did not want to make it an issue. For there was enough drama caused already. 

You slowly began to experience certain changes physically due to the pregnancy. The usual changes during the First Trimester. In order to avoid your mother’s suspicion, you wore loose clothing around the house. You were thankful your belly had not shown much yet. A part of you badly longed to tell her. Who would not prefer their mother’s assistance? But you just could not. Especially not in this situation. 

Classes at University grew more and more difficult to follow. It drove you to greater frustrations than you were already were. Besides it did not help when you were stressed as well.Concerned about your sister’s unknown intentions. Frustrated about missing Freddie for almost two months. Your body seemed to go mad without his touch, your heart was equally mad without a sense of his love nearby. All this, all this were what your heart was not prepared for.Suddenly university felt like a stranger to you. 

The longer Freddie could not see you, the more anxious he grew in convincing you to move out. And one fine day, upon his insistent phone call, you decided to finally take the step.

For a normal person, moving out would involve the assistance of one’s family and friends , making the process a warm and sentimental one. But in your situation, you were not so blessed. Your moving out was cold and discreet. Though your family insisted many a times to help, you had to reluctantly refuse. You had to play a role. The role of an adolescent unwilling of their company. But in secret, you would have loved their help more than anything else in the world. One of Freddie’s henchman was the only person who could help you. He literally helped with moving of your goods. As you expected, it was not a grand transition. But it finally happened. And there you were, finally moved in to a beautiful little place by the end of the 11th week.

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_**(End of Week 12)** _

You had finally moved out and now living on your own. Yet, you did not see Freddie for a while. And it worried you. 

As much as the inconspicuous behavior was appreciated, now there clearly was no need for it. For you were finally free. Not hearing anything from him was not a good sign. 

Contemplating on it, you stepped out for class one particular morning.You gasped in surprise. 

You felt a sense of completion when you saw Freddie standing there, leaning against his car. Sparks of excitement surging inside, you did not know how to respond. But you were a lady, thus you walked to him like one wearing a smile. When you got closer, you wondered what he would do or say. After all, you were both finally seeing each other after a long time. 

“Let me drop you off…going to class right?” 

Freddie said, as he got into the car. You were taken back. With no acknowledgment of anything else, he just said that. No passionate statement of how much he missed you, or even a symbolic display of his physical desire ,nor his frustration expressed in anger. Nothing. Embarrassed, you nodded as you joined him.

The quiet drive seemed obvious, for you were too busy trying to figure out what on earth was going on. Could it be that he was torturing you the same way you supposedly tortured him? Truthfully, you did not mean it. You were merely being careful. Why must you suffer for that? Or was there another problem in his mind? 

Regardless, you missed him, you ached for him, your heart and your body both. In every way. Just being in his presence was enough. 

“That’s a cute lookin top, innit?” 

Suddenly, Freddie began. 

Finally, the man spoke once more. Pleased, you looked at him. 

“You think so?” You asked with enthusiasm. “Yeah…”

“I’m glad.” You said, looking down at your outfit. Finally being on your own, you were able to wear the clothes you preferred. So you treated yourself. The treat came in the form of a short sleeved turtle neck, tucked inside a high waisted flowing skirt, “The material of this top is really nice too. Very comfortable” you said.

“Really?” He asked, his tone still very casual. “Yeah, it’s just amazing.You should feel it” you said, grabbing the sleeve to show him. Desperation was high to make him notice you, to make him talk to you as before. But his eyes were still on the road. He did not seem to bother looking your way. You grew insecure. Could it be he met someone else already? Giving up, you looked ahead.

Until he took action.

Extending his hand towards you, he finally felt the material of your top. But instead of grabbing the short sleeve, he surprised you when his hand grabbed one of your breasts. A rush came over you, something you have not felt in weeks. Giving it a light squeeze, he quickly took his hand away.

“Oh yeah it’s nice” 

He murmured, “Nice and… really soft” your eyes caught him lick his lips slowly. What a tease, you thought. It was something he was always good at: Driving women insane. If it were a normal day, you would have chuckled, you would have slapped him on the shoulder in a playful manner, calling him a cheeky pervert. But today, something as simple as a grab, lit that frustrating fire within you. And it made everything worse. From that moment onwards, there was nothing you could focus on but one. Clenching your fists, you swore you were about to implode. 

“So what time is the class-”

“You know what?” You cut him off, “I suddenly don’t feel like going to class” 

You looked over to him. When your eyes drenched with need, you were relieved to see to his own were drenched with lust rich enough to overpower you. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

With the car parked in the midst of the quiet seclusion, right in the middle of nowhere, only nature witnessed the two lovers, reunited finally to indulge one’s passions and their bodies once again. This time, you were the primary object of Freddie’s affections and desires.

Laid across the backseat of the car, you were more than comfortable as Freddie lay on his side, kissing you with passion. Your legs were spread open, just enough for you to drown in ecstasy while his fingers gingerly stroked over your panties, drawing various shapes, literally anything over your clothed opening, just so you could writhe and moan. 

“Ah…” you cried, wincing, “Oh Freddie…Mmmm” you moaned into his lips. Watching you, Freddie let out a chuckle of fascination.

“Shit…” he said, “I forgot this was the best time”

He was right. When the first trimester of your pregnancy was coming to a close, along came the increased sexual appetite, which provided the extra sensitivity in your genitals. No wonder his grab and light squeeze caused you such effect earlier. You were highly doused in a mixture of desperation and frustration the moment you felt him pull your top out of your skirt. Volunteering quickly, you peeled your top out of your body. Going even further, your fingers unhooked your soft lace bra, tossing both garments away for you to finally be comfortable on the leather seat and to be drowning in his lustful gaze. You felt quite naked. 

“Oh…hello hello” Freddie purred, “...the twins have certainly grown up, haven’t they?” He said, as his eyes were glued to your breasts, that have grown two sizes bigger than average. And you were absolutely certain they were equally happy to be under his gaze as well, “Just looking at them makes me so happy…with the shitty day I went through yesterday” he added dreamily. As much as the compliment was flattering, your eyebrows furrowed. 

“What do you mean shitty day?” “Mmm?” 

“What happened?” You asked, “Is everything okay?” 

Still focused on your delectable bosom, Freddie merely shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it…” “No! Please tell me…i have a feeling its not good” 

“Maggie came to see me…” 

“She did? Ah!” A gasp left you the moment Freddie began to play with your breasts, casually running his fingers over them like they were a map. An old map that needed tracing and careful observation on every inch. 

“Sorry…” he apologized playfully. You blushed.

“No it’s alright…” 

“You like it?” He purred, his fingers still unmoved from their previous position, making you blush harder. “Yeah…” you admitted bravely. Pleased, he kissed you on the lips, before his fingers proceeded to play. 

“Why did Maggie come?” You asked again, stomach clenched to suppress the pleasure. 

“Bloody woman is mad…Coming to my club…telling me to stay away from you and the family” 

“She did? When was this?” “Oh...She came by several times…” 

“What? Did she say anything specific? Mmm…” your moans distracted you from your own burning question. Especially when you felt him casually place kisses on one breast while his fingers proceeded to encircle both nipples until they were erect. Clearly he was not making things easy for you. Raising his head from your chest, he looked at you.

“No…but she had no fucking right. Coming into my place of work...and embarrassing me like that, right?” Though he sounded casual, he seemed angry.

“You’re right…” you breathed, moaning as he lightly pulled your erect nipples. 

“I wonder whether she knows about us…” 

“I dont know…” you lied weakly.

Sensitivity off the charts, you were knee deep, “Maybe…” you began, “..maybe I should talk to her. Talk her down. See what’s going on” 

Eyes widened, Freddie gave you hopeful look. 

“Would you really?” He asked. To which you nodded instantly, immersed in arousal. 

“Of course Freddie…” you breathed. He smiled. 

“Aww you’re the best, Y/N…” he said, kissing you, “Now where was I?” he added seductively.Taking one hand away from your awakened bosom, he resumed his exploration over your panties, stroking your slit with intensity. Except this time, he watched your instant responses, all the while leisurely latching on to one of your erect buds.

Frustrated without his presence for too long, you were finally at peace as you indulged on his loving. But during all that, you were also conflicted. Why would Maggie do that? What was she unto? Was she going to destroy your happiness and ruin everything? What were her intentions? You had to know. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_**(13th Week)** _

_**Monday Morning** _

This time it was you who knocked incessantly on Maggie’s door.

You knocked without care, you made sure it was endless until the door was finally opened. Maggie opened it with a look of annoyance which quick changed the moment she saw you. 

“Y/N….” She said softly. Which contrasted from your cold expression. 

“Maggie…” you replied, bitter cold. Her eyes moved down. 

“Your belly…” she began, “its starting to show a bit…” , Her eyes grew warmer with affection as she spoke.It was true. You were undergoing more small changes. And your belly finally began to show a bit. Being your sister, it was easier for her to notice. Not even Freddie noticed the last time he met you. And it made you wonder sometimes. 

Freddie. 

Shaking those sentimental thoughts away, you entered the house in a brisk fashion. 

“Why would you do that?” You said, turning back to Maggie as she closed the door. You noticed her confusion. 

“Why would you threaten Freddie like that? So many times?” You yelled angrily, “...telling him to stay away from me?” You scoffed, “What are you even trying to do?” 

“What I’m trying to do?” 

Maggie replied in an equally angry tone, “I’m trying to protect you” she continued, as she walked up to you ,“That man was never good for this family…I even told Jackie to leave him, cause she would never be the mess she is now if it wasn’t for him” she said, “He’s dangerous, Y/N!”

“You’re wrong! He’s not” you yelled back stubbornly, “He’s different with me. He’s good to me. He’s so good to me, you have no clue” 

Now it was Maggie’s turn to scoff. Shaking her head, she marveled at the idiocy her sister was displaying. 

“Y/N…” she began softly, as she took a deep breath, “That man basically…RUINED YOUR LIFE!” She yelled, “He made you fall for a married man, He made you almost fail in your studies…he made you so blind…he even got you fuckin’ pregnant!” She breathed heavily, “WHAT DO YOU THINK I WAS DOING?” She yelled out, waiting for your response.

“You’re ruining my happiness…” 

And you finally did, cold and low.You did not believe her. You could not. You loved Freddie too much to even consider what she said. 

Hearing that, Maggie’s eyes lost all sense of hope, the little hope she had in you. She was disappointed, she was betrayed. She was hurt. 

But just as she was, so were you. 

Maggie was the only sister you trusted in your family. She was the one you admired the most. You always thought she would stand up to you no matter what. But now it seemed like she was not. And she will not.

It crushed you.

“Just leave me alone, Maggie” you said, “It’s none of your business…” you added as you turned to leave. 

“None of my business?” Maggie repeated, watching you leave her house, “Y/N…THIS IS MY BUSINESS!” She spat, “THIS IS MY FAMILY!!! I HAVE TO PROTECT MY FAMILY!” 

Lips quivering with a mix of anger and hurt, you walked away, never looking back. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_**(Monday Afternoon)** _

“You don’t have to look so worried, dear” 

“Huh?”

Blinking, you woke up from your pondering. You were reminded that you were at the doctor’s office. Being the first doctor’s visit since you moved out, Freddie was free to accompany you. Given your expression, it was expected of the doctor and Freddie to assume you were worried. But all you did was ponder of what happened that morning, with your sister. 

The whirring sound of the machines kept going as the doctor moved the transducer over your belly. 

“You’re young…” the doctor said, “…and good news! the baby is perfectly healthy” 

She said, pointing at the screen. You gasped as you finally caught a glimpse of your baby.Though it was small as a plum, it was formed. You smiled involuntarily, as the flowers within bloomed with happiness. That life, it was your precious one. The life you created with Freddie. And you were even more joyous to see him reacting so happily. 

“Isn’t that lovely babe?…” he said, looking at you as he held your hands. “So…what happens next doctor?” 

He was keen. His enthusiasm was evident as he asked a million questions from the doctor, listening to each answer with attention and focus like never before. All the while never letting go of your hand. You felt precious yourself, you felt important. You were right, he was different with you. You could never imagine him being dangerous with you. For he was your safety. 

“And don’t worry you lovebirds…” the doctor chuckled, spotting your love struck look, “It’s perfectly safe to have sex now…” she said, making Freddie wink at you. Face turning beet red, you chuckled loudly, converting your face shyly. Good to know, you thought in secret.

On the drive home, Freddie was in good spirits. He was joyfully happy about the baby. And you were glad to see that. 

“Right, did you talk to Maggie?”

And just like that, your mood shot down the dumps once again. It took you back to that morning. That horrid morning. You cleared your throat.

“Yeah…actually…” You muttered. Sensing your unsatisfied tone, Freddie attempted to match yours with a lower voice. “And?”

“Freddie…” you began, “She saw us that night at the bar…” you muttered hopelessly, “When I confronted her, she kept insisting how you are not good for me, telling me to leave you” you continued, “She said you were dangerous” 

“And do you believe her?” 

“What? Of course not!” You looked at him like he was muttering nonsense. “This is just ludicrous” you scoffed, “I just…” you sighed heavily, “I don’t know why she’s so hellbent on trying to tear us apart.” Lowering your head, you covered your face with your hands. You felt hopeless, “I wish…she could just leave me alone for good. She’s driving me crazy. This is so hard…” It was true. This was too much to handle. With your breath quickening, you felt like you were almost going to have a panic attack, “This is just so-”

“Hey hey…calm down, babe…” 

Freddie cooed. Luckily the car managed to halt at a stoplight, allowing him to lean over. 

He gently stroked your back, “It’s alright…everything’s going to be fine. Trust your Freddie and all will be fucking smooth sailing…” his voice turned soft as velvet with each word as he comforted you. 

You chuckled. 

“I wish I could believe you” you said. 

“You can…” 

Looking up at him, you sighed. 

You’re wonderful, you know. Only you realized you never said those words out loud. Leaning forward, you expressed it openly by tenderly kissing him on the lips. 

But the moment your lips touched his, you felt a spark being created. A spark that did not wish to burn so short so soon. You willingly contributed as his lips begged you to kiss him again, turning sweetness into immensely heated and intense passion. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_**(Few minutes later)** _

The strength of the bed at your new house was never really tested. Until this particular day.

With that sweet kiss that turned intense, the doctor would be pleased to know the couple had taken her advise and suggestion to heart well enough, it was exercised a few minutes later. 

For there you were, you and Freddie, making love after many, many weeks. Which truthfully seemed like forever. Given the frequency it was done before.

Naked bodies connected, passionate sweat fused together with the clash of each other’s bodies. You straddled him firmly as you both moved together. 

As sensitive as you were now, the pleasure you experienced grew tenfolds. You were in bliss. 

“Do you love me?” 

Freddie grunted. Throwing that question right back at you. The very question you asked him a while back. 

“Fuck yes!” You said breathlessly. For it was certainly true. Your cries were loud as he thrusted harder. 

“No matter what happens…do you love me?” He repeated it, with some embellishments. 

“Yes…” you agreed, as you kept bouncing, “I love you…no matter what happens I’m yours…Ah!…” you three your head back the moment you felt him greedily guzzle on every inch of your now-heavier breasts, “Oh god!…I love you…I will never let you go, Freddie I swear…” you kept crying out. 

“Really?” He growled, his eyes watching you, though his face was still nestled on your bosom. The fireworks inside you did not stop and with each blow a new sense of satisfaction was discovered within you. It was more than you could handle.

“Yes…yes…”

You cried out, “You’re the only one that matters. It was you…it was always you” the box of inner truth was suddenly unlocked and you could not stop revealing. Cupping his face, you kissed him roughly, “I want you all to myself…No other woman can you…” you stressed with gritted teeth. His eyes glinted with joy. 

“Not even Jackie?” He asked. 

“ESPECIALLY NOT JACKIE…” you finally admitted, “Oh! Freddie…ah!” You moaned with high volumes when his lips continued to feast on you and his body continued to ravish your own. 

It was the truth, you did not want him shared. Ever since you laid eyes on him since childhood, he was your dream man. He was your only desire. No one else was able to stir your heart the way he did. Not even any celebrity. 

Now, with him madly obsessed with you, with him in love with you, it was more than what you could have asked for. And you were surely not going to let him go. No matter what will happen. You were his and he was yours. 

You were mad, yes. But at least you knew. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_**(Saturday)** _

Missing their aunt for too long, your nieces were highly insistent you come over to see them. With their own exams coming up, you volunteered to help them with their studies. 

When Jackie barely came out of her bedroom, you guessed she was either too high to show up. 

But Freddie, he was there. He watched your interaction with the children quite intently. While sitting on the sofa, he truthfully could not keep his eyes of it. Most specifically you. The way he watched you teach and instruct them, brought you excitement, a feeling of pure joy. You hoped he was proud. You hoped to be a good mother to his child that was growing inside of you. Unfortunately you did not tell his other kids about your pregnancy. Truthfully you did not have the heart. For many questions will follow soon after, and informing them you will give birth to their half sibling was a nightmare. Thus, you were smart enough to wear loose clothing to hide the small belly of yours. 

Jimmy announced his sudden arrival with a knock on the door. The way Freddie walked up to him, the way their conversation buzzed in the distance caught your attention. It was strange to see Jimmy looking this unhappy. 

“Gimme a few minutes, will ya Jimmy?” 

Freddie said, as he headed to the toilet. Giving the nieces a break, you slowly walked over to Jimmy. He waited by the door.

“Something bothering you, Jimmy?” With a wave, you asked him. Trying to smile out of politeness, he shook his head. 

“No it’s all good” he said, but you could tell he was holding back. Sighing, he clicked his tongue, “I shouldn’t really say...I mean she’s your sister” he said still looking down. Your eyes furrowed. 

“Something going on with Maggie?” You asked, folding your arms. Which suddenly gave him the opportunity to vent. Slowly he leaned over to you to whisper. 

“Do you know if anything is wrong with her these days?” He asked desperately, “She’s just so different…” he continued, “She’s angry… and ready to snap any second” he added, scoffing “She keeps telling me I should stop trusting Freddie…all the bloody sudden” 

“She what?” You asked. 

So, could your problem be the catalyst that was causing the problems there? Rubbing his mouth with his palm, Jimmy looked at you with begging eyes. 

“Y/N...I love Maggie. I love your sister. But Freddie …he is family to me. I trust him for life I can’t just let that go...you know that right?” He asked. 

“Yeah I do...” You nodded, which was a stone cold lie. You could never agree to that when you were willing to choose Freddie over anyone else. You were a traitor, and you knew it. 

“We had this huge fight and I had to leave it like that...” 

“Why? You going somewhere?”

“Some business to take care of…Will be away for a few days” he said. You nodded, he meant Ozzie’s work. You wondered whether Freddie will be joining him. Jimmy sighed heavily once again. 

“I’m just worried where this is going to head” 

“Don’t worry about it…” you said, “…maybe a few days away will be good for both of you to clear your heads” 

“Maybe…” Jimmy nodded in acknowledgment. Giving you a grateful nod for lending an ear, Jimmy left when Freddie joined him. 

As you washed the dishes that evening at your place, your mind was quite occupied with many thoughts. A part of you wondered whether you should talk to Maggie, get her around to calming down in order to save her relationship with Jimmy. No matter the situation, they do have a promising future. But the moment you thought of the future, you realized how much she was trying to ruin your very own. How much she was threatening the man you love to leave you. How she was on an attempt to rid of all happiness that could exist in your life. And that made you sad, it made you angry all over again. 

It’s her life, she will handle it. you thought. 

Speaking of the man you love, you missed Freddie. The thought of not seeing him again for a few days, it saddened you. It made your heart heavy. You wished if you could have sent him off properly. You wished he kissed you before he left. Even it was for a day, you missed him. Right then, that was when you were reaffirmed again of how much your heart ached for that man. 

“Why so blue, Cupcake?”

You gasped when Freddie’s voice filled your ears. He surprised you, by wrapping his arms around you from behind.

“Oh my goodness…” you clutched your chest, turning to him “You’re back!” You squealed in excitement as he tightly hugged you. 

“Sorry I couldn’t tell you…” he said, rubbing your tiny belly, “ There was some..urgent business” 

You nodded. Except your eyes suddenly squinted. Leaning forward, your eyes caught something odd. 

“What-”

You began, pausing the moment you noticed a red stain on his collar. Given the color, it appeared to be a bloodstain. 

Freddie was quiet, and so were you. With his eyes on you, your fingers rested on the stain. You knew what his work usually entailed. You knew what you were getting yourself into when you fell for him. Even from the start. Clearing your throat, you smiled. For you were glad he was alive and breathing. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up, shall we?” You said, to watch him break into a smile as well. 

“Only if you join me in the shower…” he winked, moving forward to kiss your neck. Feeling ticklish, you chuckled. But those chuckles were quickly quietened when those kisses reached your lips. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_**(Monday Morning)** _

Just when the morning sun had touched the earth, You knocked on Maggie’s door. This time your knocks were different. They were calm and controlled. 

It was quite unexpected of you to show up at her door so soon. But at one point it was expected. Because there was a sudden change of heart. You felt this stronger ever since Saturday night. With all the danger people deal with, the bargains made for life and death, you were truly grateful to be alive and happy. And that was when you realized, all these petty fights or misunderstandings were not worth it all. All you wanted were nothing close to hard feelings with your sister. 

Your knocks received no answers.You knocked again. 

Maybe she might expose your secret. Maybe you will be shamed. But at this point, you simply did not care. You loved Maggie enough to not care. Your mother might care, Jackie especially might. But Maggie was the only sister that mattered to you. 

The fact that the door was still not answered bothered you.

“Maggie!” You said, “Are you at home?” 

She surely must be, it was 7 in the morning. She would not leave for work until 8. Tapping your feet with impatience, you held on to the door knob. 

Only to find the door opened without any issue. 

But the fact it was not even locked, it frightened you. Has something happened? Your heart began to race as you slowly entered the house. 

“Maggie?” You cried out, “Mags! It’s me…” you said walking inside. Nothing in the house seemed to be in distress. But you still did not hear from her. You scanned all the rooms in the house, possibly every inch of the place. But still you could not find her. 

The racing of your poor heart did not slow down. Instead you panicked.

“Mags??”

You turned in a flash when you found Jimmy by the door. Holding a bouquet of flowers, his hopeful expression changed the moment he saw you.

“Y/N…” he began in a low tone, “Where’s Maggie?” 

Speechless, you honestly wished you could answer that. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_**(Monday Evening)** _

Where was Maggie?

That was all that you could think of. That was what you kept thinking when you called everyone you knew. Her workplace, her friends, no one had heard from her nor seen her since the weekend. 

With every phone call you made , restlessness grew. Guilt was also nearby. Would she have been at home if you checked on her on the weekend? If you called her like you initially thought? Your mother and sister were mad worried. You wished you could have gone out and looked for her yourself. But Freddie did not allow it. For the sake of your baby, he insisted he would go with Jimmy instead.

With exams looming, you were supposed to study, but you did not have the heart. Instead, you found yourself slumped on the sofa, feeling empty with worry. The longer you slumped, the deeper you dove into old memories. Including one in particular:

It was a day you remembered so well. When you tagged along with your sister to her Hair Salon to watch her work. With the smell of hairspray and dyes still fresh in your memory, you remembered how you could not stop marveling at the way she did wonders with the hair of many customers.

“You’re so good at this...” you breathed, to which she chuckled. 

“You say that every single time”

“Cause it’s true!”

You said. Letting out a dreamy sigh, you folded your arms, “I wish I was a Hairdresser”

“Don’t you dare say that!” Maggie said, “You’re going to do better than that” she added, looking at her customer who sat in front of the mirror, “Do you know my sister will start university tomorrow?” She said proudly, to which the lady looked so impressed. 

“Well you must have worked really hard then, dear” The lady said. You smiled shyly. The other hairdressers even went far to applaud you. That proud look Maggie wore on her face was something you could not forget. It moved you.

“Only want what’s best for you, love” She said, patting your shoulder. You smiled. 

“Thanks Maggie” 

Tears were present in your eyes much faster than expected. By wiping them away, you wiped the memory away as well. This was not funny anymore, Maggie I miss you. 

You jumped out of the Sofa when you heard the door open. It was Freddie. Except he did not look normal. Sadness was quite evident in his face. And the way he took long strides slow in pace frightened you. Running unto him, you were desperate. 

“What’s going on Freddie?” You asked, “Any news-”

Before you could continue, you were pulled into a tight embrace.

“She’s left him...” he said, “Maggie…she left Jimmy”

Your eyes widened.

“What?” You said, pushing to face him“How is it even possible?” You said,“How do you even know?” You pressed. Looking downcast, Freddie seemed so different. 

“A note...” he said, “She had left him a note”

This all sounded quite ludicrous.

“No...no this is not true”You began shaking you head as you backed away from him “This doesn’t sound like her at all...” You said with certainty, as you were trying to think. With clenched fists, you tried to make towards the door, “I want to see it...”

“No love...” He pulled you back “Jimmy’s not letting anyone see it...” His hold was so tight, it started to hurt you, “He’s in a bad place right now...” 

“I just… can’t believe this...” you insisted, still with furrowed brows, “Maggie...just vanished?” 

Because this was too ridiculous to even be perceived as the truth. Where would she had gone? Why leave the town? Why this? Or could it be something worst had happened? 

“No! I really should go...” you said trying to pull away. Released from his grip, you were resolute to head towards the exit. 

“You’re leaving me?”

You froze. 

Turning back, you saw Freddie looking depressed. You were at a loss. 

“What? No I-”

“Y/N…”He began, his lips quivered while he got down on his knees, “Please promise me…”He begged, “Promise me you won’t leave me like that…” 

“Freddie?”

“You don’t know how Jimmy felt...”He pulled you with desperation until you knelt right with him “I just don’t want to feel The same...” you swore he almost broke down, “Promise me...”

“Freddie…” You began softly trying to sooth him. To which he held both your hands tighter. “Promise…” He breathed. 

His eyes, they were truly desperate. They reminded you of the day he confessed his love to you. Not a minute have you seen him this broken down. The need was evident. The emotion was primal. You had never felt this loved. 

“Freddie… there is nothing in the world I won’t promise you”You said, cupping his face, “I loved you for so long. I have loved you more than I have loved anyone else in my life. Even my family.” You said, loving stroking his face, “You make me alive. You help me make sense of life. You’re in my thoughts every waking moment. You’re my air. My heart, mind, my body is all yours.” You said placing one of his hands over your belly, “If I have to live in secret all my life I would still…because I love you” you said, 

“And I will never leave you” 

Seeing the joy in his face was all worth staying back. Freddie kissed you with great intensity. Kissing him back, all you wanted at that moment was be by his side.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_**(Few months later)** _

Staring out through the window, you savored the evening sky. You took in a deep breath, as the hues of pink, purple and orange fell over the outskirts of London like a veil. It was quite the beautiful sight. 

The sound of the crying baby made you turn back to the crib. Your eyes, they were certainly filled with love as you picked up the infant. 

“There there...” you cooed, before you started to hum a lullaby. You hummed it soft, it was soothing enough. Pressing your nose against the little head, you placed tender kisses, sending the little baby off on a journey filled with slumber. With the infant safety on the crib, you exhaled deeply. 

Changes, there had been many. So many, you could not believe. 

Yes, as expected, you finally gave birth to a healthy baby boy a few weeks back. Freddie was ecstatic since he always wanted a son. And the fact he had one with you, sent him to the heavens. 

Changes had applied to the other unsettled matters as well.

You did not hear from Maggie ever since. No matter how much and how longe all had searched for her, there was simply no trace. It was as if she never even existed. Jimmy, affected by this, he changed for good. And unfortunately, you never saw the joy in his eyes ever again. No matter how much time had passed, it always will be the mystery that will haunt you every night. You would rather have her around tormenting you about your life than being quiet for good. You missed her everyday. 

You quit University soon after Maggie disappeared. With the looming pregnancy and your massive neglect in studies, it was expected. Needing of a job for your livelihood, you began to work at a bookstore nearby thanks to the little knowledge of you had of literature and history. Though you did not attend class anymore, you still managed to see Marcus and Heath around town. They would be polite, they would acknowledge. But all that was limited to nods and nothing more. A part of you always regretted not fighting for them more. A part of you will always be carved in pain. For it was not the same without them in your life. 

Finally admitting the unhappy life she was living, Jackie decided to leave Freddie and agreed to his divorce. Unable to face mother and the entire town, she willfully moved into a place which was far away from everyone she knew. The daughters lived with her, but they managed to see their father often as they wished. And Jackie was free to live her own life. 

Your mother however, was torn. Watching her entire family broken in some way, the announcement of your pregnancy was the last straw. She barely spoke to any of you afterwards. Which certainly did not make things easy for you and Freddie when it came to planning your future together.

“There you two are…” Freddie’s voice made you look up from the crib. Walking into the bedroom, he was full of smiles by the sight of his son.

“All’s well with the little lad, eh?” He whispered, to which you nodded. 

“He’s strong and handsome like his daddy…” you murmured, making him wrap his arms around you. 

“All thanks to me missus…” he purred, pressing his forehead against yours.

“When I wonder can I ever be that…” you said, placing your hands on his shoulders, “…to have a ring on my finger, proudly telling the world you’re mine…” you said sadly. 

After all that have happened, you and Freddie longed to sort out and define this relationship. To be together publicly. How on earth will that transition take place? How will you tell the world? Would the world believe the story of a benevolent former brother in law spending time caring for the former sister-in-law who was a single mother? Where his kindness would lead up to romance? Would that be believable enough? 

That was what you had so far. But in all fairness, who would accept it? Does it really matter?

Pulling you closer to an embrace, Freddie’s grip tightened. 

“I’ll take care of it, don’t you worry babe” 

He said, kissing your neck sweetly, “Freddie always takes care of things” he whispered in your ear. 

Relieved, you savored his embrace gladly. You were glad. You were glad to face the troubles of the past, present and future with him by your side. Because in truth, your life was not exactly at it’s best at the moment. It did not turn out the way you have hoped. It had been the worst. Your family shattered into pieces. Your mother not in speaking terms. your sister’s marriage destroyed because of you. Your other sister vanished completely, possibly because of you. Some nights you’d wake up in cold sweats, deeply worried whether she was actually dead. You even gave birth out of wedlock without any family by your side for support. All that had happened to you was horrid. 

All except Freddie. 

For when you looked around and saw Freddie sleeping next to you, or when he held you or made passionate love to you, when you looked at the child he blessed you with, you forgot about all that was horrid and cruel. For all that was horrid could not compare to the joy and the victory you have achieved. 

The joy and the victory of being truly in love. 

——————————————————


End file.
